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How do I keep my dignity now it's over?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Cheating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 June 2017) 2 Answers - (Newest, 19 June 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Hello..

I recently wrote on here asking for advice about someone who I have been seeing, and I was trying to find a way in my head of knowing if they really cared about me and liked me.

This person (who I work with) had hurt me before a few months ago and I forgave him for that and we became friends. Then, around 2 months ago he declared really sincerely how serious he was about the two of us, how excited he was and how deep his feelings were for me. He suggested that we keep our relationship quiet at work for the time being to avoid gossip. For a while he lived up to promises to prove to me how he felt. I slept with him (the first time for me, ever); we were exclusive .

And then recently his actions stopped matching up to his words and I didn't fully trust him and that's when I asked for help on here. I had decided to have a conversation with him on Saturday to basically tell him how I felt and that I didn't want to continue if he wasn't really serious but that we could probably still be friendly.

On Friday, he was at the pub with two friends from work and another girl (a friend of one of the colleagues). He went back to one of the colleague's houses and in the cab back kissed the new girl. My friend was told about this and informed me in the morning. At first he tried to lie his way out of it but then he admitted it. He also said with regards to the two of us that he thought it was what he wanted but now it wasn't.

I'm not really looking for comments and advice on what has happened- I'm already aware that I should have seen it coming and it was probably a bad idea to begin with and I do take some responsibility for that. But what's done is done. But I'm going back into work tomorrow and, having never been cheated on, I would like to know.. what's the best way to proceed from here? I don't want him back but I'm angry and hurt. How should I treat him?

And I'd rather not have any retrospective advice about not dating colleagues- I can't change that now. But I can change how I behave and respond and I want to make sure I have dignity.

View related questions: at work, I work with

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (19 June 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntTake a deep breath, hold your head high and carry on as if nothing had happened. The good thing about you keeping the relationship secret at work is that, hopefully, nobody else will know about it or, if they do, they will know it is not supposed to be public knowledge and will not mention it.

Secondly, stop beating yourself up. None of us get through life without a few battle scars and you have just collected one from this guy. It all probably feels worse because he was your first sexual partner. Consign him to the history bin where he belongs, lick your wounds and come back out stronger and wiser.

HUGS. You will be ok. I promise.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (19 June 2017):

Honeypie agony auntHave as little to do with him as possible? If you DON'T have overlapping areas at work and he DOESN'T need your phone number (for work) I'd start with blocking his number.

Yes, dating in the workplace rarely works out and now you know not to do that again - so take it as a lesson learned. The second lesson? Words are cheap. Some are VERY good with words but not actions. TAKE the time to see if a guy's words match his actions before jumping in with both feet.

BE professional at work. If anyone asks (if they have heard rumors or gossip), just tell then it's not a subject you wish to discuss.

And think about it, OP you might just have dodged a bullet. Seems like he "grooms" the new girls at work for a one night stand. Kind of crass behavior if you ask me. DEFINITELY, a guy to avoid. BUT don't avoid nights out with coworkers just because HE might BE there, just make sure you don't drink too much and end up going home with him or another coworker.

Don't beat yourself up for doing what you did. Sometimes we have to learn lessons the hard way (and that hurts) but you DO come out stronger in the other end.

Personally? I'd avoid him like the plague but trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. If you HAVE job areas that overlap so you HAVE to interact with him, DISCUSS nothing but work. IF he brings up personal info tell him to stick to the subject of work and if he asks you personal question tell him, it's none of his beeswax.

He sounds like an ass.

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