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My boyfriend wants me to buy a cheap car instead of one I can actually afford

Tagged as: Big Questions, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 June 2017) 8 Answers - (Newest, 23 June 2017)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

So I'm in a conundrum. My bf and I have been dating on/off for 5 years. We were friends for years first before dating. Currently, we disagree on a car, to understand the struggle, a lil history is needed.

In the very beginning of our relationship I accidentally totaled his first car rear ending someone. The car was on its last limb, could only get into it through the driver window or the passenger side and climb, yeah that kind of last limb. I offered to help him get another car. He had his eye on a Mazda rx8, it was kinda cute, but I was apprehensive when I agreed to cosign the car, a decision I sincerely regret. Shortly after we got the car he lost his job that paid well, he's been struggling to recover financially ever since.

That car is unreliable, temperamental, he didn't research the car and its issues, and we (65% me, 35% him) have invested thousands in repairs. It mainly sits in front of the house. I told him if he were to get another car in the future, he should pick a more affordable option and sacrifice.

Now me, on the other hand, I've always had A decentish car. My mom bought me a cobalt for graduation, I traded that in for a Vw gti years later and began financing another gti after that, then moved to leasing my 3rd gti. I was just in an accident, other driver at fault and my gti is totaled.

I always had a job that paid wellish enough, or had a savings/inheritance to help me out. I have another lump coming from my moms estate soon.

Now that its time for me to search for another car, I'm leaning to leasing a fairly recent car, or financing an older car with respectable mileage (90k). I showed my bf my options and he only wants me to get the cheapest option with over 150000 miles on it. He's only going this route cause he feels I always get my way and that I should follow the advice that I gave him and that its unfair for me to get a car that's outside the price range he thinks I should adhere to.

I gave him advice to be frugal cause it makes no sense getting a car you can't afford monthly with your other bills. I'm in a better spot so I don't want a brand new car, but I don't want that's possibly on its last limb.

Is he jelly/butthurt cause I can afford options and he cant? or b/c he has to be smarter with his money and I don't have to? Or am I being unreasonable and should comply with his request cause fair is fair? Most of my friends like the idea of leasing or financing a more recent car.

View related questions: cheap, lost his job, money

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (23 June 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntThis is your decision at the end off the day. I get that he can have an opinion, but you have helped him with his car, and if you can afford it you buy what you want. It sounds like his nose is put out off joint because you are able to afford it and he is not.

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A male reader, Been there Now over it United States +, writes (19 June 2017):

Get a good car...first and foremost, one that is reliable and safe. And get it checked out by a pro. Repair bills on a car with 90,000 or more miles can bankrupt you. Past that, you should get a car that is comfortable and you like.

Once you get the car, correct your other two problems: A boyfriend who tells you what to do and a boyfriend without a job. Time to get rid of him.

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A male reader, Billy Bathgate United States + , writes (19 June 2017):

It's your money if you can afford it buy it.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (18 June 2017):

Honeypie agony auntI have to ask OP, HOW much overall have you "invested" in his crappy car? And was it out of guilt for totaling the car? Did you not have insurance (or is it like in MI a "no-fault" state insurance? - which I might add I TOTALLY hate!)

If you want a GOOD reliable car you probably HAVE to pay a bit more than what your BF "thinks" you should pay. Going for a care with less than 90,000 is good thinking. If you have a friend or family member who knows cars BRINg them to check out your options.

YOUR BF did the "young man's" mistake of buying a car that LOOKED great instead of being practical. My brother did the same and got stuck working two jobs to pay off his Alpha Romeo that he couldn't really drive in winter lol. He was 19 so it was excusable for him to do so.

BE practical when buying a new car. Don't invest a HUGE sum in having something "smart" to drive. Invest in a car that is SAFE, reliable and doesn't drop value instantaneously. Look at what your needs are. Look at the reviews of that brand and model you think you like. BE critical. If you can get a GOOD one for $7,000 - $10,000 then don't get for an $18,000. If you have a good income SAVE up instead. At least that is my advice.

This isn't really ABOUT him. (or what your friends think) it's what will WORK for you. He isn't paying for this car and as long as the car doesn't "prevent you" from shared expenses - like if you two live together and share rent/utilities.

It's NOT up to him to decide what you get. JUST USE common sense and don't "waste" too much of your inheritance on things like cars that DROP in value.

But again, it's your money.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (18 June 2017):

chigirl agony auntSo you want to show off that you do better financially than your boyfriend? Sure, not your fault that your bf lost his job and is short on money. But you already kind of own his car (and do nothing but complain about it), and now you want yet another one. My advice is to buy something without telling him the price. He is already not feeling good about you having more money than him, no need to rub it in his face.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (18 June 2017):

N91 agony auntYour money, your choice.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (18 June 2017):

Buy what you want. It's your money and you have to drive and maintain it. He's your boyfriend, not your husband. Even if he was your husband, and you're earning your own income; you get to choose what you want to drive.

Thank him for his suggestions, and buy the car you want. Or listen to him, and always be resentful; because you listened to him instead of getting the car you really wanted.

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (18 June 2017):

Fatherly Advice agony auntMy very strong advice to you is to sign over the title to the POS Mazda, to your ex boyfriend, and find a replacement who can keep a job.

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