A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am abit worried my ex's Dad fancies me and I am not sure what to do. My ex and I split nearly 6 months ago and contact with him has petered out; my ex wanted to stay in contact but I didn't since I don't think he treated me at all well. Anyway, his Dad and I share a mutual hobby which we enjoying doing together but I'm worried he is starting to want more. He has been giving me cryptic messages about men not knowing what to do when they like a woman, how they have to consider who they are going to hurt in certain situations (!) but I don't know if he is saying that as general conversation or because he wants more. There will never be anything between us because a) he is married and he and his wife are dear family friends, b) I would never do that to his son because of the history we share and c) I would never ever think of him that way. He has confided in me that his marriage is falling apart and that he was moving out but that never happened; thank goodness, as I really want them to patch things up.My relationship with my own Dad is awful and I think of my ex's Dad as more of a father figure. I don't want to stop our hobby since we both enjoy it, but how can I hint that I am not interested in that way?
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female
reader, howcomehoney  +, writes (27 May 2007):
 I don't think you should say anything too blunt, because he could be perfectly innocent of any less-than-fatherly thoughts about you, and it could hurt his feelings. Just make it very clear that you're not interested. Steer the conversation away when it gets too intimate; drop libido-squelching things like "I think of you and your wife as surrogate parents!" - just let him know that you don't see him in that way at all, at all.
It should all work out. If he makes advances, the same rules apply as to any lechy old man - screech in horror.
A
female
reader, candy00s +, writes (27 May 2007):
 It may be completely innocent, he may feel he has no one to talk to and has therefore tried to talk to you.Perhaps its coming across in the wrong way - whether intentional or not.I think you should try to be a bit more to the point with him, maybe mention you dont go for older men in a conversation or just try to get it across to him that you arent interested.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2007): I think you should be more direct and not hint. Tell him that sometimes you get the feeling that he sees you as something other than a daughter and hope that it is just your imagination or uncomfortableness with the intimate topics that you are discussing....that way he can save face by denying it. You need to set some boundaries here, if he touches on subjects that make you feel uncomfortable then tell him you don't want to go there, maybe use the excuse that it upsets you to know the intimate details of his own marriage because you do not want to take sides, sighting that you like his wife as your own mother in law.
The family relationship is what you want to preserve, anything else is incestuous, if his marriage is on the rocks he may just be feeling vulnerable and has a growing dependency on you to fulfill his emotional needs, let him know you care, but urge him to speak to his wife about his feelings, tell him he is talking to the wrong person, you.
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A
male
reader, DV1  +, writes (27 May 2007):
 It may be nothing. He may just be venting. If he makes any advances, let him know that you aren't interested in that way. Scream it if you have to.
DV1
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A
male
reader, I Waited For The One +, writes (27 May 2007):
 i think hes trying to say if my marriage falls hes gonna try 4 u i think ya right. i think u could give him the brush of by sayin " im going of men till i find a real man who will like me 4 me " and then he will say something like " maybe im the man 4 u " and u can say " no offence but ya wife my parents and your son wouldn't like that and i dont wanna hurt no 1 over nofthing " that hes put straight i dnt think theres an easier way 2 say that unless u dnt wanna hang out wv him so much.i hope that helps
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