A
male
age
36-40,
*inisha
writes:I urgently need to help a friend of mine who is freshly,but blindly in love with a lady that do not match him.Hi there!A long time friend of mine is in a crash with a lady that it is very sudden and down right incompatible.let me raise some points why he is not Mr right with her...I once met these lady incidentally while I was chatting and had fun with my friends. She is very communicative and go with the flow girl. During chatting with her she told me that she have three children. She is almost 32 years old. she doesn't work, she always use drugs and alcoholic ., highly hooked with drugs that she couldn't live without it. She gave birth with two different ex friends. She has multiple friends who spend with her drinking and have fun day in day out. She can go with anybody so long as you pay for her drugs and spend all night long in a bar. She has multiple sex partners. She is kind of a whore. Meanwhile a,friend of mine is very fresh in love and least relationship with women. He has no girl friend. He is very reserved and inexperienced with his sex life.He met with these lady where he often spend his time with us for fun.She seduces her and called him many times in a day. Almost two weeks from now he is madly in love with her. They have been together so far. Many friends of her called with her phone now and then while she is with him. He forgets everything, loose interest with his close friends and stuck with her. As per I know him, these relationship by default is not normal. He pays what she asks for. He gave his everything what so ever. But she is taking the relationship lightly. She is with him until he is ran out of money. He still does't figure it out and is been blinded by it. So far I still didn't say anything about their relationships. I have not a gut to tell him that she is this and she is that kinda girl. Actually I told him lightly while he began relationship with her. To make the long story short she is very dangerous girl for his life and for his career if he keeps continue with this pace.I didn't expect him that much that he is giving his heart to such a lady. How can I advice/friendly advice/ him since such relationship journey is very bad and get rid him off. I am looking forward waiting your suggestion on the spot.Thank you!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Binisha +, writes (16 June 2020):
Binisha is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI thank you all for your instant answer/reply! especially one of the reply by #WiseOwlE is very explained and I think it is a sound answer/suggestion.
I need some more replies if there is any...
However, I thank you all!
Bless
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2020): It will be hard, but stay out of it. He's a grown-ass man!
If she is what you have described her to be, he's not in-love; he's in-lust with her.
He's intrigued and smitten; because she is apparently seducing him with charm and sex. If he's that dumb and inexperienced he'll learn best the hard-way. He has to be hurt. If he's using her, because it's easy to get sex; it will simply wear-off with time.
Keep your opinions about her to yourself.
It's only a matter of time she will show her true-colors. Meanwhile, you'll remain in the neutral-zone. Then no stray-bullets will fly your direction; and she won't be gunning for you, because she knows you gossiped about her.
If you know as much as you do in your brief connection; he'd have to be P-whipped and totally stupid not to figure it out himself!!! You're not his mother, and can't protect him from himself.
You know what you know, and learned what you've learned because you gained experience through the school of hard-knocks. Let him get a taste of real-life. He should be thinking with his brain, not his penis!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2020): You can be there for him when and if it all ends. You can offer advice IF he asks you for it. But other than that, you were not put on this earth to patrol who your friend sees.
I fully understand how you feel about seeing your friend with this person, BUT IT IS HIS CHOICE….NOT YOURS.
He enjoys this woman's company, he wants to see her, despite the red flags you have listed, he STILL wants to see her. NOTHING you can do about that. And you should NOT try to influence him in any way, UNLESS he asks you what you think. Then you can tell him, but otherwise, mind your own business.
How would you feel if you were seeing someone a friend thought (perhaps correctly), was wrong for you, but YOU were loving it? Would you appreciate your friend trying to interfere?
It's a hard lesson in life to learn, but you have to keep your opinions to yourself and let people live their own lives. Only when/if it breaks up can you help him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (16 June 2020):
 It sucks to see close friends or family make the "wrong" choice in partners but the thing is it's THEIR life, their choices and... their responsibility.
You could ask him how much he knows about her past, her kids and her drug use. Maybe also suggest if he is serious about her to get a STI/STD test and suggest SHE gets one too.
The thing is, IF he doesn't WANT to hear anything negative about her, he will IGNORE all the red flags. Because he is infatuated. People CHOSE (at times) to ignore bad things, because they are not what they WANT to know or see. He can't NOT know that she has kids, right? Or that she do drugs, right?
So he is CHOSING to ignore this, because FOR NOW he gets something out of this.
He has to make his own mistakes, OP. I know it's hard to watch but you can't make choices FOR him. you can, however, be honest with him.
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A
male
reader, Justryingtohelp  +, writes (16 June 2020):
Sounds like he is in lust (as opposed to love) with this lady. If he has little previous experience of relationships, he is probably overwhelmed by her and ecstatic that he is getting sex.
I understand you want to look out for your friend but he is a grown man who needs to make his own choices in life - good or bad. I doubt he will listen to you if you try to warn him. He is not thinking with his brain at the moment but with what's in his pants.
The best you can do is observe from a distance and try to open his eyes gradually so that it looks like he makes the discovery for himself that he is being used.
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