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How do I go about not acting insecure even if I am?

Tagged as: Big Questions, The ex-factor, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 February 2010) 3 Answers - (Newest, 2 March 2010)
A male United States age 36-40, *iket389 writes:

Please help me i feel like a lost cause anymore... kinda.. anyway ive had a bad string of relationships always the guy getting hurt or cheated on... well im dating a girl now who until about a week ago i thought everything was great... she pretty much left her bf of three years for me.. she had been unhappy or a long time and i just started talking to her again after some time weve just been aquaintances.. anyway to make a long story short everything happend and was great however the last week i noticed she wasn't as close to me as she was in the beginning.. i'll admit we were spending ALOT of time together her staying with me or me staying with her.. all the while with the ex driving by and pretty much being a psycho..

well like i said the last week she hasn't been as close and monday she had to drop some stuff off to him only for me to read on facebook he posted that they ate dinner and watched a movie.. she assured me it wasn't anything of that nature and that he was already eating and had a movie in and she knew he was going to do something like that... well since then the last two days i havn't seen her.. from past experiences i feel very insecure and feel like things are heading south... she told me she does need a little alone time once and a while and i agree but with the last week and him i just don't know.. maybe im just being paranoid.. i just wanna know how do i go about not acting insecure even if i am? i don't want her knowing because ik it will kill everything.. Please help!

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A male reader, JoeM Ireland +, writes (2 March 2010):

If your genuinely not happy with the way things are going with her, then you might be better off just breaking contact with her for a while.

There is nothing worse than hanging round waiting for someone when you know they are not going to give you what you need from them.

Just forget about her for a while. Hang out with old friends, flirt with other girls.

If she comes back to you, ... you can decide whether you want to give it another go or not.

You can ask her out-right if she is really interested in a relationship or not. You can decide from her reaction whether she can make you happy or if she is going to just keep you at arms length making you sad.

At the end of the day, if someone is making you unhappy with the way they are treating you, you are better off moving on and not let them upset you any more.

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A male reader, Miket389 United States +, writes (26 February 2010):

Miket389 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thanks man... ik its hard to do... but it was like that for two months.. she was always about being with me whenever she could and it just stopped.. all she said is she doesn't want it to be like her previous relationship where they ended up living together quick and it didn't work.. idk i'll try and take things with stride i guess just feel uneasy

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A male reader, JoeM Ireland +, writes (25 February 2010):

Dude just take things slowly and relax a bit more about things. Give her space, let her know your there for her but dont crowd her out. She'll come to you if she really wants to and if she doesnt then it just means she is not ready for a relationship. Dont take it too personally.

I know when you meet someone you really like its hard to control your feelings and you want that person to feel the same things as you do.

But relationships take time to grow. You need to just enjoy the time you do have and accept it for what it is. If it grows into something wonderful then brilliant!!

But if it doesnt work out, then it wasnt meant to be, you are both just not on the same page at the moment. Dont take it to seriously or personal. Just let things grow naturally and if they work out great... if they dont, they dont.

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