A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have a friend, whom I have known through mutual friend for a long time, but have become very close with in past few years and especially after his fathers death. I thought at one point, that he may have romantic feeling towards me and I towards him, so I asked if he would like to move out of the platonic friendship stage. He answered with a “real” kiss so I figure that meant yes. The thing is, we have never really gotten past that kiss really. We are extremely intimate with each other but he doesn't want to have sex, he yst wants touching and tenderness. We spend sometimes an entire weekend constantly cuddling, holding, tickling and stroking hands, massaging, flirting, falling asleep in each other’s arms, but he tells me he does not want to be in a relationship right now. But he will initiate the intimacy and then back away if I come to close to kissing him too passionately or things start getting too heated. This has been going on for over a year bow. All of our friends think we are an item, but he will not correct them and say that we are not. I let him know that I have continued to date other guys during all of this since there is no commitment and we are “just friends”, but my heart is really not into dating anybody else. I’m confused and I feel rejected by him, I care about him a lot and I think the fact that he hasn’t jumped my bones yet (like most guys would) makes me want him even more. I cannot figure him out and it’s frustrating to want someone how doesn’t want to make love to you. He was a real ladies man way back in the day and I know he is not gay, so I thought maybe something was wrong with his plumbing (he's in his 40's) but I can feel that he is excited sometimes when we cuddle and i've touched him. I’ve never heard of anything like this. Any thoughts?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008): Must be very frustrating and confusing. Maybe he has been hurt badly in the past. Probably wants to make sure the relationship is not built on lust and physical attraction. I think you should talk to him in a very calm way and dicuss your feelings and frustrations. It cannot continue like this. You need to get some direction. Best advice is to talk about it. Keep in mind the Persian Proverb: " With a sweet tongue and kindness, you can drag an elephant by a hair".
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