A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi Aunts and Uncles. I'm rather depressed at the moment. Tomorrow, I'll be watching the love of my life marry my best friend. When we were 15, my best friend and I met a girl who immediately friend-zoned both of us. I told him once that I liked her as more than a friend and he told me he respected that and would not pursue her given the chance.They got drunk at a party when we were 19 (I was their ride, so I had to stay sober). When me and a couple other guys at the party managed to get them both into the backseat of my car, they started making out. I wanted to punch him in the face. As history would have it, here I am, typing up this post on a site through incognito.I can see why she chose him, though. He's basically Prince Charming while I'm this disgusting, acne-ridden, chubby guy. I'm clearly the side-kick and it sucks. She's asked me a few times in the past (last time she asked was last week) why I never pursued her and I told her the truth. She's my best friend's girl and I'm not that guy.But I've asked her why she asks me that all the time and she'll give me this intense stare and unless I'm an absolute idiot, I don't fucking get it. Does she WANT me to steal her away? If she wanted me, why had not she broken it off with my best friend? I'm not the guy to make a girl cheat! Seriously, I just want her to be happy. If she's chosen another guy to complete that task, all I can do is be happy for her.What gets to me, though, is how many times she's expressed concern over whether or not she's chosen the right guy. If you're getting married, shouldn't you 'just know'? When I look at her, when I spend time with her, I 'just know' that she's the one for me. But I also 'just know' that she's marrying my best friend tomorrow.My question is, how do I get through tomorrow knowing that I've lost her forever?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (17 November 2013):
Your a big boy, you'll be fine. At your age a person who was never anything but a friend isn't the love of your life, so don't convince yourself she is, you're just making it harder on yourself. If it's a mistake it's hers to make, so just be supportive if needed.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (17 November 2013):
 One thing I have learned in life, is you can call DIPS on people all you want, but that doesn't mean it actually works. The person you are "calling dips on" ACTUALLY have a say in who they want to be with.
I met my first BF through a friend who was seriously crushing on him ( he had no idea - she didn't tell him - she didn't tell me either, other then she thought he was gorgeous.) HE pursued me. We were together for 4 1/2 years.
Here was the crux though, ISN'T it (in your case) HER choice whom she wants to date? To kiss? Two 15 year old guys can sit and talk about who should date her, but when it came down to it SHE made HER choice. Specially when neither tried to make a move.
It might have been that IF you had pursued her or even TALKED to her when you all were younger, she would be dating you. BUT there is NO certainty that YOU and HER would have lasted.
YOU decided that you rather be her best friend, so YOU made your choice. SHE made her choice 4 (FOUR) years later and your friend kissed her back and the rest is history, as they say. YOUR friend GAVE you 4 years to ask her out or make a move, I'm sorry I don't see what he did wrong. YES, he could possibly have met someone else, but it's NOT like you were pursuing her, was it? Let's be real here.
I think, if I were you, I would wish them well and back off. There is someone out there for you too, but not while you are still carrying a massive torch for a woman who was NEVER yours and who never will be (or at least not while she is married to your friend).
I think she was playing with fire by keep bringing it up. SHE made her choice. All you can do is RESPECT it. Could be she just LOVE the fact that BOTH her male friends were crazy about her.
My guess, she felt, that IF you really CARED for her that way, you would have told her, you would have "fought" for her. BACK then, not now.
I know it hurts, I know it sucks. This too shall pass.
Last but not least, you can't lose what was never yours. SHE was never yours.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (16 November 2013):
 I feel sorry for all three of you. You because you're smitten with this woman who is now completely off limits. Her because she's marrying a man when she's not sure. Prince Charming, because he has no idea his bride has doubts and his best friend is still smitten with her (assuming you didn't bring this up after your conversation as 15 year olds, e.g. after they made out in your back seat). Oh and that the bride is sending strange signals to hubby's best friend. Seriously, don't envy him - he's got tricky road ahead of him.
I'm sorry for this. I suppose by the time you read this, the wedding has already happened and you got through it? Advise for the future would be to distance yourself from this couple, make new friends, meet other people, men and women. Avoid them, especially her. She could be a trouble maker.
P.s. Don't be too hard on yourself. You're not a side kick. You can lose weight, you can see a dermatologist about your acne. You sound like a decent guy who deserves a nice woman (nicer than the one marrying your best friend). She's not 'the one' - you just need to lose the rose tinted glasses you've been wearing for 7-10 years.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2013): So a drunken make-out session ended in marriage? That would boil my blood, especially since your friend KNEW how you felt. I kinda wish you had punched him in the face, but being drunk, it was forgivable. What's NOT forgivable is that he kept the relationship going knowing how you felt. Please don't think he's Prince Charming, he sounds like Prince Asshole. I'm sorry you wasted time still being friend with this piece of work. I truly am.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2013): Don't spend any private time with her tomorrow or in the future.
It sounds like she feels the same about you.
But honestly, there's nothing she can do about it now short off calling the wedding.
You owe it to your friend to keep your feelings to yourself. You've had plenty of time before their big day to let your feelings known if you really had to.
But for now, you just have to grit your teeth and keep your distance with him.
You do not want to start something that will end up with you losing them both.
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