A
female
age
41-50,
*azzie1
writes:I need help on how to be strong and leave an abuser..An incident occured today where we were having an argument in his car. I was so fed up of hearing him say that he is going to move on and find him a new girl because he asked me a question whether i will love him for life and I told him until u mess up..and he went ballistic saying that he needs a woman who's going to luv him thru the good and bad..mind u he has tried to choke me 2 been physically abusive and today I was tryin to get out of his car while it was on a red light and he grabbed me by my hair to yank me back in but i manage to get out while he drove off with my belongings..I had to get the cops involved but they told me I shouldn't change my # cuz they can use that for charges against him..Do u think I should look for another apt and change my #..mind u I have two boys 14 and 8 who have never witnessed any of this yet thank go..I called safe horizon but the only way they can help is if I have a report against him which I never did I only filed one today which was was an incident report..please help I need to get rid of this looser but everytime I try I end up back with him
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (26 June 2009):
 Let me tell you something. Yes, being a male, I was in a relationship with someone who has mental issues, which aggressive mental abuse was part of. My kids were witness to most of what had happened. I felt such relief when I ended it. Right now, as I type this, I can hear my kids playing and having a great time. They're happy, and this is something I didn't see much when I was with my ex.
Going separate ways is important to your future and the future of your children. When you're being abused, your kids don't have to witness it, how you feel will rub off on them. When you're upset and hurt, they feel it. And if those feelings continue, your kids will be negatively impacted for a long time because of what you've chosen not to do as of now. You need to get out of there NOW! You don't deserve to be choked or grabbed like he has done. Leaving him is not just what's good for you, but it's what's right for your kids. Use your love for them, as the strength to make the change. And don't wait until more damage has been done. Take action now.
A
female
reader, laura585 +, writes (26 June 2009):
Getting out of a relationship like that is going to be one of (if not THE) hardest things you will ever do. The worse he is and the longer u 2 have been together the harder it will be. First of all, dont "warn him" dont tell him what your gonna do if he doesnt change. He's not going to change, so you'll just be telling the enemy your strategy. Get away from him and cut all contact if you can. If you have to file a restraining order to get help- then do it! Call your boys schools even, bc if he gets desperate enough he will try to find out where you are through your kids. I would change the number and if moving is too expensive then lock all the doors and windows and if he shows up call the police. It will be hard if he's in a "good" mood, telling you the things you want to hear- u will want to believe him when he says he's changed, but u know who he really is. Tell all your friends and family what's going on so if he asks them where you are they will know not to tell him. My thoughts are with you! Be strong!
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (26 June 2009):
Does he work? This is what my mom did (before I was born) to get out of her abusive relationship: while he was at work, she got everything she needed together and left. Just find another place to stay ahead of time. Once you have everything together, leave! Don't let him know any of this. You don't want him to know where you'll be staying and you don't want him to know ahead of time because he will probably become physically violent again and try to convince you to stay. Just follow through with it. You know what's best for you and you deserve to be happy and you children deserve a safe home.
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