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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Pretty much all my life i've been insecure about my appearance. I'm 5'7 126 pounds with auburn hair and hazel eyes. People have told me i'm attractive sometimes even "stunning". I just can't see it myself, i hate having my photo taken or looking at pictures of myself. This has gotten worse recently, i got involved with a guy and really liked him, it was only casual then he got a girlfriend but still wanted me for sex so that, in my mind, told me that obviously i must be hideous if he doesn't think i'm good enough to be a girlfriend but i'm good enough to sleep with. I just don't know how to get past this, no matter how many people tell me how pretty i am i just tell myself they're lying. It's gotten so bad that i can't even bear talking to people as i'm worrying about how hideous i look and how they must think the same. I don't know what to do anymore.
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female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (30 October 2010):
 Hi! I am also auburn, hazel eyes... and I know exactly how you feel.
I had to do a double take when I read your question because I could have written it myself, it sounded exactly almost word for word the things I say about myself.
There are days when I feel utterly repulsive, but I know its just my low self esteem and my depression making me feel that way.
Hang in there, you are a beautiful woman.
As for the guy thing... he isnt worth it. He is ONE MAN.
:) You will find someone who deserves you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much everyone x
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (29 October 2010):
 I think I was insecure about my looks in my early 20's. It is perhaps the constant media pressure for perfection that causes problems with our self esteem. I think the advice of the last aunt is very good. Cognitive behavioural therapy will help you reconstruct your opinion of yourself. I think as you get older then you realise that what one person finds attractive, another won't...and it doesn't matter that they don't! You learn to not care so much. That is what happened with me anyway. As for your past relationship, I think you have to realise it is not you at fault here. You just picked a bad apple who thought he would try his luck. We all meet people like that from time to time. The secret is to resist getting into situations that you are not happy with. It sounds as if you refused to be the 'other woman' and did the right thing, so you are a strong person after-all!
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male
reader, a-g55 +, writes (29 October 2010):
 Try hypnotherapy. councellors usually fail with any psycological help. Go to inspiring, spiritual and non-conventional thinking people. they tend to offer the best help. The downside is that it is a cost too you but by the time you have been through councellors and CBT therapists you will accpet the cost.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (29 October 2010):
 Have you been abused in your past? You sound like someone who is suffering from 'stinking thinking' as though your self value and self worth have been battered for a very long time.
With this kind of thought process, the only advice I can give is that you need to find a professional counselor. If your dearest friends tell you you are beautiful and you don't believe them, how are you going to believe a bunch of strangers on the internet? How is my reassurance that you are a wonderful and special person going to convince you if your best friends can't?
You sound helpless and unhappy. I am sorry for that. I think you should look for a practitioner of cognitive behavioral therapy. Ask your GP for a referral. Take positive action for yourself now and set your thinking back on a healthy track.
Take good care of yourself.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010): I know exactly how you feel and strangely enough I myself have red/auburn hair. Im 16 and no guys take any interest in me for the one fact and that's because I'm "Ginger" but you know what I refuse to change for the sole purpose of acceptance! I love my red hair! I love that I stand out from the crowd.. Ive been described as "striking","beautiful" and "stunning" but sometimes I don't feel like that! The majority of my days are spent looking in the mirror critising myself..but I really want to stop and find things I like about myself..you know. I personally find red haired women to be extremely beautiful and no I'm not biased lol. Please be happy with yourself! Look in the mirror find things you love about yourself and embrace them and also get rid of that idiotic man who is just using you! You don't need him and you never will! Take care x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010): im the exact same i have auburn hair with green eyes & i cant bare getting my photo taken or even looking at myself for more than 5 mins in the mirror ..
When people say im beautiful i dont believe them .. but reading some stories on these issues are quite scary about how people go to such extreme measures just to be "beautiful" i think we should all people happy with what we got & embrace it!! :)
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