A
female
age
41-50,
*appyholly91
writes:I have left my 19 year old FWB and now I miss him more then ever. I have gone in a depression mode. At first it was just all for sex and then i started having feelings for him. I want a relationship with him but he doesnt. I really dont think he likes me in that way and to top it off, i just found out that he has had a girlfriend while messing with me. I dont know what i did wrong or what i did to deserve this heartache. What should i do to get over him? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (15 March 2012):
 I have to agree with Cupid Boy. One can but wonder who was in control: the 35 year old or the 19 year old. We're talking a difference of 16 years. The older of the two should have been old enough to know that friends with benefits doesn't work.
A
male
reader, Cupid Boy  +, writes (14 March 2012):
 Wow... what a huge double standard we have here, with all the women saying what a creepy, lying douchebag this guy is, without knowing anything about him.
The OP is the adult here. The guy is a teen, practically a boy still. Yet somehow he took advantage of her, used her, treats all women badly, etc, etc.
If it were a 35-year-old man having FWB with a 19-year-old girl, the responses would be much different... yet still blaming the man for manipulating and using her, since a teenage girl would never be FWB with someone much older unless coerced. Further proof that, no matter what, the male is always the aggressor and the woman is always the innocent victim... even when he is a boy and she's a full grown adult.
Sorry, OP, but if your "f*ck buddy" was in a FWB arrangement and this was understood at the outset, him having a gf didn't violate anything between you. At your age, you should have known the emotional consequences of being FWB. If anyone should be depressed, it's him since you're the one who ended it. Unless you're willing to ask him to dump his gf and be in a true, exclusive relationship with you, then just learn from this experience and move on. It doesn't seem like FWB works for you, as I don't believe it works for the vast majority of people. It only sounds good on paper.
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A
female
reader, Blonde68  +, writes (14 March 2012):
Try not to blame yourself because you did nothing wrong, other than enter into a FWB relationship and fall for him. I will confess, I did something similar recently and fell for a toe rag (but no gf involved), and now I too am licking my wounds but getting there.
Time is the only healer - each day you will get stronger and eventually you will stop thinking about him. What appeared to work for me, and may work for you too, was everytime I thought about him I said the word "BLANK" in my head. Try it, it may just help you to forget and move on. I am now a week into no contact at all with him and I must say, I am feeling pretty pleased with myself - and now I don't say the word BLANK, I just count the days of how long I have grown stronger and smile to myself!
I think you have had a lucky escape - find yourself a good man, because he is really not worthly of you. He is a cheat and a user!
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2012): I think its the using sex to hide your loneliness and to elivate stress and unhappiness in your life that you miss and not so much the 19 year hump machine that just wanted you for sex.
He is a piece of dung for lying to you and hiding he has a GF- I feel for the GF.
You'll recover. Just have to cope and deal with the loss in a healthier way. Gets better with time.
Go for a pedicure or manicure. Go see a movie. Be independant and care not what others think. Keep busy with friends and family as well.
Get a NEW Hobby.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2012): What you did wrong was to have sex with him and no relationship.
I don't understand what you miss about him to be honest, there is nothing, except the sex.
Just relax, keep yourself occupied and in a few weeks you will wonder why you cared.Plenty more fish etc.....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2012): He sounds like a creep. He's a cheat so why would you want to be around someone like that?
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A
male
reader, Hugh.J +, writes (14 March 2012):
 FWB = Friend With Benefits, NOT a relationship, nor exclusivity. What did you expect?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (14 March 2012):
 Let's go right to the heart of the matter....
YOUR WORDS: "...I dont know what i did wrong or what i did to deserve this heartache..."
What you did "wrong" was enter in to a "FWB" arrangement without understanding just what it meant....
For your future reference.... a "FWB" means that a man USES YOU for a SEMEN RECEPTICLE.... but has NO OTHER responsibility to you.
HE gets to pleasure and relieve himself within YOUR body... and YOU get to spend the next hours, days and/or weeks wondering WHY he doesn't LOVE YOU....
Is that clear enough??????
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 March 2012):
 "I miss him more than ever"
What EXACTLY are you missing about him?
do you miss him using you?
do you miss him lying to you?
IF all you miss is his body.. (cause clearly you didn't have his brain) you can replace that easily.
Breathe deeply and know that in a few weeks this too shall begin to pass.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 March 2012):
 You should take a good ling hard look at him and the way he treats women. Both you and his GF.
He sounds like a douchy fella.
Go out and find a real man, who knows how to treat a woman as more then a hole in the mattress...
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