A
female
age
41-50,
*ighhopes
writes:i am 35 with a6yr old son. I have been on and off living with my married boyfriend and his wife and kids. Earlier we moved in together it didint work he kept going back and forth. I was out of work and struggling to make ends meet so his wife suggested i move in with them AGAIN. I did i am paying rent helping around the house..ect. We still have sex but its all stolen time. I feel terrible about this...I just cant afford to move. He knows that and uses it against me at times when we fight. The stress level is at an all time high for us all in the house. he claims to love me be in love with me...but he flirts whenever he can and goes out all night sometimes. His wife just accepts it sorda as long as he stays. she is more timid i on the other hand will get very angry when he pulls his stunts, he says he likes that. He always thinks im cheating because he is married and I am not. I never have, but believe he has! HOW can I get OUT and forget HIM?????!!!!! So they live there life.....the way they alwys have.
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female
reader, bemused  +, writes (23 July 2008):
 Wow..this is certainly one of the more challenging questions I have answered here. My dear....what are you thinking. Your post confuses me a bit because you seem articulate...you are, however sadly inarticulate in your way of approaching life..sorry to say.
What a mess! I am assuming his wife knows nothing about your affair with her husband although this sounds do dysfunctional it would not surprise me if she did.
You, for the age you are at sound pretty immature. You are obviously void of empathy for this man's wife..from this post it is clear...it is all about you, where you will go and what you will do.
Has the notion of finding a job and being self sufficent crossed your mind. Gone( thankfully) are the days when women were totally financially dependent on men...are you aware of that.
This guy sounds like a jerk of the highest order. His wife does sound really downtrodden and he can manipulate both you and her....is he Brad Pitt.
You sound intelligent enough to know what to do. Find a job NOW and move out. SHE is his wife, not you and you have no right to be in that house. You are a mother to a little boy...what are you teaching him about the way a man can treat a woman?
Get some guts..you can afford to move. If you are able to contribute to rent in this situation you could certainly find a roomate.
After you have left this bizarre situation, I would wash this guy right out of my hair if I were you. Focus perhaps on some training so that you can be financiall self sufficent.
Good luck to you.
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