A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in desperate need of advice. I have lived with my boyfriend for 4 years. We are both in our late 20's. For almost two years now, we have lived together overseas. My boyfriend got a job here and I agreed to move with him with the understanding that we were in a serious relationship. We also moved our pets here with us. It was a big move and it cost thousands of dollars. I do not have a job here because I am just learning the language and my boyfriend had said that I do not need to work.My boyfriend and I have had arguments and tiny "break-ups", also phases where he seems to not want to be together, but then he always pulls me back in. He recently bought a condo and by the law here (similar to common law) I think I technically own half of and our furniture, etc even though I did not technically pay for it. A few days ago my boyfriend came back from a business trip. He was acting weird the whole time and did't want to talk to me while he was gone. He wrote me an email that he cheated on me and hasn't had feelings for me for a year. He told me he wants to end it. I was furious and out of anger I yelled at him and then changed my fb profile to "single". I know this was immature, but he always threatens to do this and in the heat of the moment I just clicked it. Everyone saw and was shocked that we broke up because of our circumstances.He talked to me later and said that now since everyone knew we broke up it was official. He will no longer go with me places or anything. He said he doesn't have to help me anymore since no one expects us to be together. I told him that I don't like him anymore and will never forgive him. I told him that we will never get back together. He has now cut his hair, shaved, is dressing nicer, and going to the gym everyday. He gives me money for food, but I have to go to the store by myself to where we usually go together. He has also recently signed up for tinder and other "hook-up" sites. He's going to meet a 19 year old this saturday in a different city.Then I found out that he did not actually cheat on me, but he said it to try to get me to break up with him because he feels trapped having to support me. My dependency has cause him to lose attraction for me (yes, I did do some detective work). Ever since I found this out I want to try to get him back and prove that I can try to get a job and contribute. I just wish he would have talked to me first. I have been trying to act indifferent since in the past I have begged for him back and while it worked it ended up being used against me in the future. I have been acting very kind to him, but giving him his space. I am trying desperately to send out my applications to anywhere that is hiring english speakers. I love him with all my heart and it's killing me that he's meeting new people. Even his friends have questioned his behavior. Right now he seems to think the grass is greener. Besides not currently having a job I am I very good catch. I feel so alone by myself in a different country that we were supposed to explore together and very betrayed. We are still living together, but he sleeps on the couch. He is acting very nice to me, but only like a friend. How to I regain his attraction before it's too late? Is this even possible? I seriously can't imagine my life without him. I am trying to stay positive, but I'm feeling so upset.
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broke up, cheated on me, get back together, immature, money, trapped Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (7 March 2014):
 Get your ducks in a row and find a way to get back home. Ask your family for help so you can move home.
There is NO reason for you to stay.
If you have to, sell some of the stuff you brought with you.
It's over, your now-ex-bf is done with you. And you SHOULD be done with him.
He is already in single mode, he was SETTING YOU UP so that YOU would end it, because he is a ball-less douche who should have bought you a ticked him and told you sorry, I can't do this any more. Instead you are now STUCK being his maid and he will "give you a little money so you can eat.. SERIOUSLY?
There is NOTHING to salvage.
Find a way home. Get home, find a job, a place to live and get on with your life.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 March 2014):
 You love him with all your heart.
what parts of him do you love?
the part where he lied to you?
the part where he said he wants out?
the part where he mistreats you?
what exactly about him CURRENTLY do you love? Or do you love the past or what you THINK it COULD BE?
I would strongly urge you to see if your parents would be willing to help you relocate back to your home country and help you get over this man who is emotionally abusing you. (lies to get you to be the bad guy and break up is childish and bordering on abuse IMO)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2014): Here's the thing: you're in love with a jerk.
I get it. I've been there.
But if you break up with him now, you'll look back in 6 months and ask yourself, "What did I ever see in him?"
And then you'll be one step closer to finding someone you can actually be HAPPY with.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (7 March 2014):
 I can assure you, even if you got a job and contribute, the lack of attraction will be something else and you will find yourself doing anything to please him. What he did to you destroys your self esteem and it is even worse than cheating. He says things he doesn't mean and changes stories when it suits him. He also learned how to play on your insecurity. If you break up then you break up. The mentioning of the 19 year old is to make you leave even faster. Why do you want to be with someone so unkind? It is not about you not contributing. Really? Is it that hard to suggest that you get a job, or help you find one? Instead of just assuming that you don't want to work. Don't worry about what he is attracted to. A good relationship does not consist of tiny break ups that come from nowhere. He is attracted to what he doesn't have and once he has someone it's as if his brain switches off and locks itself. He is attracted to the single life style and you can never compete with the wide choices of girls, young ones too.
I am guessing this overseas country speaks Spanish. Is there a reason why you have to stay there. I think he is too young to settle down. There is nothing to prove here. He does not deserve your attraction. I don't think he is behaving like a friend. It bothers me he can do this to you and play with your feelings. Yes, you moved and it involved life changes that's only possible if both of you were serious but sadly he sees in real life how it is and he changed his mind.
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