A
male
age
36-40,
*atrickthesyrup
writes: I'm 26 year old male, and I never dated. My biological mother died at age 3, so I never had the proper nurturing to be ok. Socializing is hard for me since I am autistic, and because of my social awkwardness (avoiding eye contact, etc) no girl even wants to hang out with me having me in the friend zone. I have gotten sick and tired of it that I started to develop some misogyny; I started hating listening to love songs on the radio so I turned them off, I never watch TV, and I am on the verge of stopping watching movies because I hate love scenes because I am watching someone else be in love with someone and kiss them. This never happened to me, and it feels like watching them is rubbing it in saying "haha, look what I have and you don't have it." I am protecting my heart more and more out there; I know girls don't try to take my heart and hurt me. They do it by accident without even trying and I used to get angry. I am not desperate, but I guess that means I'm not assertive enough. It also seems that it is harder to make friends as I progress. Soon I'll be in my 30's and become a loner. No matter what method I try, there is no hope for a companion to come for me. I just want to give up forever. Because of this, overtime certain circumstances caused me to have Major Depressive Disorder and Social Anxiety. I even tried to kill myself once because I hated this world for what it was. But now, I'm trying to be happy on the path of a hermit. This may sound negative, but no matter the positive thoughts that come, I will always be disappointed. Please don't tell me "theres lots of fish in the sea", or "you will find someone be paitent", because these types of advices are cliche and outdated in this time zone. Do you think I should just go to a nightclub? Theres a video game style nightclub in Minneapolis near by. I would figure a lot of lonely single girls would probably go there because they feel so desperate for a relationship and believe me, I am tired of waiting; I will not wait until my 50's because then it will truly be too late. I have tried anime conventions, but the people I meet don't have time to hang out with me because of work/family balance and this one girl I did like, now I'm just protecting my heart from getting emotionally hurt again seems to show interest in the guy she has dated before. She was nice, always responded to text messages, but that seemed to stop recently for some reason. She only had him for a BF, and she only broke up with him because she was busy for school. I would of tried to take things slow and hang out with her outside of events, but she does not want to make the time to give me a chance for it. I am finally going to give up on her, and seal my heart. Eventually, when the right one may come around, I will probably just push her away because I don't want to be rejected. I am starting to look younger so I could lie about my age to feel better about myself. It sucks to grow old and not have enough to love you. I am another victim. I know I feel week just writing this, and I should be stronger since I'm 26, but I can't help but stay down in the dumps. Any advice on how I can move forward a bit happier?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 April 2014):
 Thanks for responding. I know a family… they have two on the autism spectrum… they would be so happy if either one were able to post like you just did and add the follow up. Sadly, they will not ever be able to as you say there is no cure. Does that mean that no one should try to find a cure or prevention?
I did see there was some controversy on autism speaks as I researched that second link for you.
I think that this is all early days in the understanding of the syndrome/condition/not really sure what you would call it…. disorder?
You seem to be doing really well, honestly.
Best wishes to you.
A
male
reader, Patrickthesyrup +, writes (26 April 2014):
Patrickthesyrup is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat I have, I might just go with Xearo's advice. Some people wish ASD are meant to be hermits. I don't trust autismspeaks because they take donations into "curing autism" which is a lot of falsifying in my opinion; You can't cure autsim. I can't just take a pill or something and it makes me be non-autistic. it doesn't work that way. I will try your other link though. Thanks, but valentines day, If everything else in my life goes well, I will go out by myself looking for lonely singles somewhere. But this is the last time I will give this a chance, then I will learn how to be happy a hermit. At least I don't have to be annoyed by anyone.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 April 2014):
I have another link for you too: http://autisticadvocacy.org
Have you had a chance to read any of these replies?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (24 April 2014):
Yes, I do have an idea on how to get happy.
You know what you are experiencing as someone on the Autism spectrum. You're not happy, you know what is missing.
So become an advocate for yourself and people you don't even know who are like you.
http://www.autismspeaks.org/family-services/adults
Volunteer, show up at the meetings of your local chapter. You are most certainly NOT alone, there are probably lots of people out there just waiting for someone to show up and help.
If you can't find that help and are frustrated and unhappy and miserable…. well, it sounds to me like a good purpose in life.
Go advocate for yourself. I know a family deeply affected by this and if their two boys who are on the Autism spectrum were as verbal and expressive as you, well, I'm sure they would be grateful.
So take your dissatisfaction and unhappiness and do what so many people are able to do, turn it into a positive and help someone else. In so doing, you may actually meet someone who is perfect for you. She may actually be a relative of someone else who is on the Autism spectrum. I don't think you will meet her in a nightclub.
So, to sum up, become a leader. You have the skills. Off you go! http://www.autismspeaks.org is the organization my friends are involved with. Call your local chapter. Best wishes.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (24 April 2014):
Nothing is wrong with living a hermit life and in fact can be quite rewarding in it's own way. But as part of being satisfied with anything you will need learn to love yourself, else you will just be an angry and miserable hermit as opposed to a happy one. Believe it or not there are people who there who have written guides in this matter and even demonstrated their lifestyles on Youtube. I would suggest the first place is google, and do some searches for a hermit lifestyle.
I wish you luck in your path!
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (23 April 2014):
26 isn't that old, there are many people who take time getting comfortable with the opposite sex. What will kill it for you is not autism or awkwardness, it's resentment and the other negative things brought on by loneliness.
My advice is to realize that people of all types find love. You just have to try a little harder than your average person.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2014): Hey mate, don't give up on yourself or on life for that matter. I may or may not be able to relate as I'm not autistic, but I am a loner. I started life as an asocial so I wouldn't know of the desires of human companionship. I am comfortable being just by myself. However, it seems to me that you would be ill-equipped to handle that lifestyle. You strike me as a fellow that craves human affection and no, not the kind solely attributed to romantic connections. As you are autistic I feel it is better to direct you to a more appropriate place of help: Wrong Planet. Ever heard of it? It is a great community for people such as yourself. Give it a try. I'm pretty sure you'll find like-minded individuals there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2014): Please get counselling to help you rationalise all of this. You don't have to be alone; you just have to have help and support to overcome this.
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