A
male
age
41-50,
*rtfulToker
writes:How do you get a girl friend if nobody is sexually attracted to you? I am 35 and single and have been single all my life. I have never even had a one day relationship with a woman.It seems to me that it would be creepy to just go up to a woman you found attractive and say, "will you be my girlfriend please?" I have made plenty of female friends in the past but none of them want a relationship with me. Even the ones who are single would rather meet up with strangers from the internet than have a sexual relationship with me.What can I do?
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male
reader, ArtfulToker +, writes (8 July 2012):
ArtfulToker is verified as being by the original poster of the question Mooh,
Thanks for the reply, you keep mentioning that I should analyze past dates. There have NEVER been ANY dates whatsoever. Yes I am slightly overweight and have tried unsuccesfully to lose it for the past year. And besides, I have seen many men much fatter than me with girlfriends.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2012): One thing you should know about women OP, level of attractiveness is not nearly as important as how you make them feel. I've been with plenty of girls that didn't find me attractive but they felt uplifted by my presence and just wanted more of me.
Just start crawling before you walk, learn to be able to comfortably talk to random women by just going and doing that wherever you are, once you've reached a level of comfort and get used to it you can start asking for numbers and stuff.
There are no secrets OP you just do it, level of attraction is largely irrelevant OP there'll always be women who find you attractive and there's nothing more attractive than a guy who is comfortable interacting with women and has self belief.
Get rid of this I want a girlfriend crap and follow the logical course of these things. First you get good at talking to them, then you get good at showing interest, then you ask them out on dates, then you get to know how good dates go, then you get to asking for more dates, then you start ramping up intimacy and alone time, and then you date for a while, get to know a person and if things go well ask to make it official. Stop looking for a girlfriend and find a girl you'd be interested in just having a date with. You will fail and you will be rejected but you'll learn and eventually will succeed.
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A
male
reader, ArtfulToker +, writes (2 July 2012):
ArtfulToker is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIf only I believed that...
After 20 years of nothing it seems hard to accept as all the women my age are getting married by now or have children.
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A
male
reader, CJH +, writes (2 July 2012):
 You can stop telling yourself there is a problem here because the only problem IS that you are convinced there is one.
Take it easy, continue having friendships with women and wait for that moment to happen. It will. One day, sometime, somehow.
Women can sense desperation you know. I would guess that you are wandering around with DESPERATE tatooed on your forehead and that's just going to scare girls away.
Chill, enjoy being you, enjoy making friends. STOP thinking you HAVE TO HAVE a woman. As above it will happen in its own good time.
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A
female
reader, mooh  +, writes (2 July 2012):
Dating is a very wide topic with so many variables that can be taken into consideration. First of all, being in a relationship is not just about sexual attraction (the probabilities of the relationship lasting on the long-term is very slim), it also depends if you are compatible on platonic level (e.g. do you have fun/a good conversation with that person? do you have similar interests?). If you think that there is a problem with your self i think you need to do some self introspection and analyze what are things that are preventing you to meet someone: do you need to change something about yourself, are there common situations that have occurred on various past dates?Also have a straight forward talk with a female or male relative/friend (both point of views are the best) to see what could be things that could be preventing you from finding a girlfriend. Allowing an exterior point of view from people who know you and want to help you, will allow you to maybe see things you didnt realise before. You mention that you have female friends, so i'm sure you are doing something right and that you don't scare away girls: Physical appearance: This is shallow but unfortunately people usually judge the book by it's cover, even if you may have the greatest personality ever: what does your dress style say about you? do you need a new haircut? do you think you need to lose a little bit of weight? Etiquette: How do you usually conduct yourself on dates or when there is a girl that you like? do you come off a bit too desperate/clingy? are you making a move too soon or waiting forever? What kind of girls do you want as a girlfriend? Are you only paying attention to a girl's looks? do you only go for one type of girl? Maybe try to widen your standards. It also could be that you havent met the right girl yet. How do you meet girls? Maybe it's time to register to some type of group activity to meet new people? You mentioned online dating - is that maybe something you can try? Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Rowdy  +, writes (2 July 2012):
I don't know who these girls are or what "type" of person they are. But it's possible that your problem is your putting too much focus on the physical.With love, you have to be a bit selfish. You have to fight a little bit for what you want, never hurt her, but give it a good effort.My advice would be to go meet up with some strangers at maybe a dance or some other social place, have fun and meet some people, and if it seems like a girl there is enjoying your company, ask her to go on a date with you. You haven't asked her for a commitment then, just a chance to meet up again alone. Then you can go from there.In this way, you've just met someone at a no pressure, no awkwardness, social situation. Then once you found out there was some chemistry, invited her to spend some time with you and see where it goes.Hope this helps.
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