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How do I earn her trust back?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 June 2012) 3 Answers - (Newest, 12 June 2012)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My girlfriend and i broke up a few months ago. I betrayed her trust and went through her phone because i suspected she was cheating. I told her what I had done, because i didn't want anything between us. Since her and my breakup I've told her how much I missed her and that I'd like to get back with her. She said she didn't know which I think is totally understandable since i hurt her feelings and betrayed her trust. I asked for one more shot because i know what we had is worth fighting for. Anyway, her and I have talked and hung out quite a bit in the last month. We had been texting each other every night and day for quite some time. By the way we were together for 6 years. Whenever she gets upset with me she pulls the silent treatment, and I think its childish and very annoying. We hung out most of the day yesterday and last night with some friends of ours, and I haven't heard from her for 24 hours now and it has me alarmed that she's upset with me. I'm afraid her friends have told her lies about next to ruin all the progress I've made in the last month or two. The no reply thing wouldn't bother me if we didn't talk all the time, and if she didn't have the track record for the silent treatment. Am I worried about nothing, or am i in trouble. Should i just give up on fixing our problems even though I know I'll never love anyone as much as I love her? Please help!!! I love her so much. I know I'm not perfect, and I wish her friends would stop throwing my imperfections in my face. Plus how do I earn her trust back?

View related questions: broke up, text

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (12 June 2012):

Fatherly Advice agony auntO K

I have to say that from your original post I was afraid that there were enough problems in the relationship that it was irreparable. I do hope that you realize that she did not leave you because you looked in her phone. She left because she is more connected to her friends than she is to you.

FA

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2012):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Never mind, we split up permanently today.

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (11 June 2012):

Fatherly Advice agony auntI'm not entirely sure that you are asking the right question. But the question is good and worthy of discussion.

Real trust is built over years of good performance. Or in other words Trust is the reward for meeting expectations. So over time as you do the things that you promise to do, and the things that she can reasonably expect you to do then her trust in you will grow.

Trust is not a one way relationship though. If you don't trust her, all the love in the world won't overcome it. you felt that she was cheating on you, strongly enough for you to snoop into her phone. Something that you felt that you had no right to do. So she doesn't trust you because you violated her privacy, and you don't trust her because there was some indication that there was another man in her life.

So, are you willing to trust her as much as you want her to trust you? Are you willing to make promises to her and keep them? That is how you build up a relationship of trust. Be patient, this is not done in a day. There is no magic word.

There are other problems here. I have refrained from wandering into them intentionally. We will see how the discussion progresses.

FA

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