A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How do people deal with pregnancy envy?Im a single women and my last serious relationship ended last year. During my relationship with my ex we talked about children and he always said he felt we weren’t ready but he did want to try within the next ten years and I was ok with that.Fast forward five years and many similar conversations our relationship started to fall apart and I decided to leave because we were constantly arguining and he developed depression and turned quite violent on really bad occasions.. At this point he became very desperate and suggested we try for a baby. It really felt like a slap to the face after all those years of wait and see. So now I’m single and have a new job and moving on with life trying to date, so far no luck. 3 days ago my brother and his fiancé announced that they are expecting there first which was the most wonderful news, I cried in happiness and only felt the smallest twinge of envy.Yesteday afternoon my elder sister called In a frenzy to say that she’s taken a pregnancy test and it was positive. Again extreme excitement, I rushed over to he house and she showed me all the tests and I cried with joy and it was wonderful. My brothers fiancé is furious that some of the spotlight is going to be taken off her since they had tried 2 rounds of ivf to finally conceive so I spent most of the night on the phone trying to console her.Today on my way to work I started thinking and had to pull of the road to have a meltdown. I’ve spent the last three days avoiding what is bubbling up inside of me, I really don’t want to feel like this because it’s there turn and I should just feel happy but I feel like locking myself in my bedroom and just not coming out again. I know I probably sound selfish,but I can’t escape this terrible envy and pain over my own situation.Im still trying to get over some of the abuse issues I have so I realise that I’m not in a fit state to fall pregnant anyway but I atleast wish I had someone who would one day want to with me :( so I guess I’m just wondering if there is anyone out there who is single and had to get over similar feelings of envy and guilt.
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conceive, my ex, pregnancy test, violent Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 May 2018):
 Your future sister in law needs to realize that the world does not revolve around her. She is not the only person that can have a child in the family, and it shouldn't be about lime light it should be about two new babies coming in to the family. Hopefully it is just her hormones playing up.
Remember you are not selfish, you want a family in life and that is pretty normal. Just remember though you are still in your twenties and you have plenty of time to meet the right guy and have children. Try and see the positive. You got out of an abusive relationship which is great, you also didn't bring any children in to that abuse which was the best decision that you could have made. You have come a long way dealing with your issues and building a new life for yourself. Keep going out and socializing and meeting new people and be a good support for your sister and sister in law. It is great fun being an auntie as well.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2018): Ooooh girl. You still have plenty of time for babies. Just remember when they’re cleaning up poop at 3 am you can go to Ibiza and party with Jamie Foxx or something.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (4 May 2018):
 It will come and go. My advice, support your SIL and sister and help out as much as you can. That way you get a glimpse of what's to come.
It's also a normal thing you are feeling. So don't feel bad, just BE in control of it.
You SIL is being a bit OTT with thinking SHE is the only one in the family that should be pregnant. I'd tell her that her kiddo will have a cousin in your sister's kid around the same age - which is a GREAT thing!
Focus on the positive here.
You made the RIGHT choice to walk away from an unhealthy partner. And you made the RIGHT choice in NOT having KIDS with him. Yes, he suggested trying for a kid because he KNEW you wanted one and he felt you were slipping. NOT because HE actually wanted a child with you at that time. So BIG GREAT kudos to you for not giving in and having kids with a man that is in NO state to be a father or even a decent partner.
Have you dealt with the break up? Are you over your ex? If not, work on that first.
If you are, then maybe it's time to up the socializing a bit. Not saying go on a man-hunt. But get "out there" again.
Chin up. Your time will come :)
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