A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Can I work through him falling out of love with his wife and turning our friendship into something more?We have been friends for 1.5 years. He has been miserable with his marriage (he has no kids with her but she has kids from a previous relationship). He recently told me that he is falling out of love with her, he may leave her and that he is miserable. They broke up for a while last year but she guilted him back by taking anti-depression meds and talking suicide.Absolutely nothing physical as happened between us which he and I have both agreed that we want to do this the right way. Lately, he has been asking me to spend time with him a few times a week going to dinner etc. He has said things like, "I may be moving in with you soon" or "If I am going to leave my wife for you..." (This is said in a light, joking manner.I am having feelings for him. We have both discussed this and he is starting to tell me about his finanical situation, that we have things in common and enjoys spending time with me. He is being very telling and open. My only advice to him is that he needs to make a decision and that he is the only person that can do so.With out being pushy, how long should I deal with the casual time together? We are both very attracted to each other but I am having guilt about the time I spend with him because of her.????Help????
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2007): Can I please repost this comment to get more feedback?ThanksAnonymously...USA
A
female
reader, cd206  +, writes (11 March 2007):
 What I would do is try and put yourself in his wife's position just for a second. How would you feel if your husband was having casual time with another woman even if there was nothing sexual about it? I think you need to stick to your guns about making him end things with her before you start anything and also insist that if he leaves her he has somewhere else to go. I don't think it would be the best idea for him to leave his wife and move straight in with you because it'll imply that you were having an affair all along and mean that things move quickly, too quickly between the two of you. Take it slow, there's no rush! If you're meant to be and you've waited this long what's a little while longer?
CD
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A
female
reader, aunty t  +, writes (11 March 2007):
 You need to let this guy end his marriage before you take things any further. I admire you for feeling bad for his wife although you have done nothing to feel guilty about. There is nothing wrong with what you are doing you are there for him as a friend and that is all you can be for the moment. He hasnt cheated on his wife which again is admirable but he is planning on getting togeher with you. He needs to make a decision here and let his wife know that the marriage is over. Chances are she will you the same tricks she did before to get him back but he has to be strong and stay away. He is doing her no favours in the long run.
Good luck
Aunty t
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