A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:16 months ago when I move in to my home I met my neighbor who is a nice friendly guy. We have a shared drive and some tiles were coming loose. He told me he would fix them. I thanked him and asked him to let me know how much he wanted for it. He told me nothing as he already had all the tools to fix them. I insisted and he says to get him some beer. So I purchased him a pack of beer. When I got home that evening he asked me for £10 - which I paid, I just found it odd as he was adamant he didn’t want any money, so he ended up with cash and beer. Now a months ago, due to some high winds our shared fence in the back garden fell down. He told me he would be happy to fix it. I asked him how much he’d like me to pay and he declined payment- I asked him several more times and he just said to get him a bottle of wine.I bought him 2 bottles (1 red, 1 white) spending £16. When I took them over to him, he took them, thanked me and then said if I could contribute £20 towards the work. Which I did.Now I have no problem paying for anything - I do not want anything for free, however why not just tell me how much to pay at the start instead of saying “nothing” or asking for wine/beer and still taking money? I have to constantly budget my money so £10 here and £20 there adds up and I can’t afford it to keep happening.He has now told me our shared gate needs fixing - which I can see it does and he’s offered to do it. I’ve explained to him money is tight so i can pay my half but it will be in either small installments or he will have to wait several months for one lump sum. He went a bit quiet and said to get him some wine or beer instead. Now I do not want to do this as I know he will want money in addition to the alcohol but yet I don’t feel comfortable telling him this as I cannot afford both. I’m grateful he fixes things but I can’t keep having things sprung on me.What is the best way to deal with this?
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (9 October 2021):
 On the plus side, you are very luck to have a neighbour who is able and willing to do these works as hiring in a handyman to do these jobs would cost you a lot more, even taking into account the "double payment", and that is assuming you could find someone to come out to such small jobs and to do them properly (most good handymen are very busy). However, given that you are on a tight budget, it is not acceptable for him to ask for alcohol in lieu of payment but then to ask for payment as well. Perhaps he simply misunderstood the agreement?
My partner has come to an arrangement with our neighbours over the years as they are very well off but clueless when it comes to fixing anything. The arrangement that has worked well over the years is that the neighbours pay for materials while my partner does the work required (even if it's fence panels between our two properties). He never asks for money from them but they always give him alcohol as a token payment.
Does the gate really need to be done NOW? If not, tell your neighbour YOU would rather wait until you have put aside some money to pay for the work. Tell him you are not comfortable owing him money but cannot afford to pay out what, for you, would be a substantial amount of money in one go without prior warning. Then save a few pounds each month so you can have it done at some future date.
Just because HE decides something needs doing does not mean YOU have to agree how you spend YOUR money. Most things can wait a short while. Perhaps he assumes you have more spare cash than you actually have?
In future, when this situation crops up, as it inevitably will, I would advise saying something along the lines of, "OK, well if you can sort it out and let me know what I owe you when it's done please?" Stop asking for a price up front, then you won't feel obliged to pay twice. Of course, if you feel he has done a particularly good job and has been reasonable with the costs, you could always buy him a bottle of something as a token gesture, but that would be entirely up to you.
Make a point of putting a few pounds aside as a matter of course going forward so that, if anything major is needed, you have funds available.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2021): Say jokingly: why dont you buy your own wine when i pay you. What bugs me here is not the anount so onviously for you its i.portant but how he extorts from you gift and money not being upfront with you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2021): Deal with the situation logically and weigh up the pros and cons.
Finding a handy man to do this kind of odd job is not simple anymore - the building industry is the most corrupt that there is because it's unregulated in the UK, and most builders want large jobs that pay a lot of money in one go. Usually a builder or joiner or plumber etc. will only ever bother with small jobs if they think it will lead to a bigger job, or if they like you and think you may be the kind of person who will associate with other people who will bring them good work.
So, one 'pro' is that this guy seems to be doing a good job for very little cost overall. You haven't complained about the quality of his work, so that's a good thing.
The only 'con' seems the way he is going about it. I wouldn't even try to look too deeply into this, it's just his weird way. He probably has a need to feel like he is 'winning' or getting one over or just can't find it in himself to be as generous with his time and skills as he initially seems to be. Whatever, if you are getting odd jobs done very cheaply over all, maybe just think of this odd way of his as a 'win' on your part at the end of the day. If, on the other hand it creeps you out and you get a really bad vibe from it, then find a proper builder to do the work, but just expect to pay more.
I actually find it unsettling when my very good plumber who I've known for years and also another friend who I've known for years do work for me for no cost or very low cost and just say something like "Oh, pay me whatever" - it leaves me never knowing if I paid enough and always feeling indebted. At least with this guy it's somewhat predictable, if odd - it's always a 2 part payment - alcohol and then a relatively small amount of money. You could joke with him about it and see how he responds. At the end of the day though it's just his way and seems very much cheaper and actually less hassle than finding and paying a builder or handyman.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2021): Typo corrections:
"Don't barter, unless he specifically tells you what he wants to barter for."
P.S.
*Then ask him him if this will seal the deal? Then shake on it. Then ask him not to go-back on his word.
Make him a man of his word. He's taking advantage of you. You keep leaving him an opening. That's how he traps you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2021): Square things off by getting an estimate cost before any work is done. Ask him specifically how much he wants to be paid for the work.
Don't barter unless he says specifically tells you what he wants to barter for. Ask him if that is all he wants for sure? Even better, make-out a little billing invoice for the work. Let him put his price and signature on it. If he won't sign it, get somebody else to do handiwork around your place from now on.
Give him the wine or beer, a few dollars, and have him sign a note agreeing you're settled in-full. Even if you can't afford to pay, pay him something. You have to get him off your back!
The best way to deal with this is to avoid letting him do work. He likes to hold you over a barrel and play games.
He's dicking you around, and you keep going back for more.
Best remedy is to not ask him to do anything. If you owe him anything; settle it now, and get-on with your life. You can't ask people to do what could be expensive work; and then not reasonably compensate them. If you knew you couldn't afford to pay anyone right-now; you shouldn't have allowed him to do the job in the first-place.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (7 October 2021):
 Stop giving him a "gift" as payment. Just say you will wait and pay money instead.
OR STOP accepting help from him AT ALL. Find someone else to do the work.
Honestly, though, it's probably cheaper to buy him a bottle of wine and $20 to fix the fence than a contractor...
As for the gate, just say no, I'm fine with it for now.
He might be an alcoholic and is hoping to get YOU to supply some extra alcohol. Especially if the wife keeps a tight grip on the finances so he doesn't drink their money away.
OP, it's OK to say no thanks to getting "help" you have to pay for.
He wants to do "favors" for you because you are new and he thinks you are an easy mark. You have been too nice so far. He is fully taking advantage of it. So start with a: "No, thanks".
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2021): It's obviously not fair of him to say one thing and then do another, but if a worker/handyperson came and did these jobs, you would be paying a lot more than you are at the moment, including the alcohol.
I think if it was me, I would ask him, "How much did you want for my half to mend that gate again?" and if he says nothing, just buy some wine or beer, I'd say "Okay, and how much cash will you need as well, because I need to budget for this?"
He can then either tell you how much cash he will want as well, or repeat that he doesn't want any money. In which case, I would reiterate, "Are you sure you don't need cash as well this time, because as I said, I need to budget for the amount you'll ask for," and see what he says. Then reiterate, "JUST the alcohol? Are you sure?"
If he then asks for money, yo can say, "You did say there wouldn't be cash to pay as well. You see, I can't afford both and I did ask."
The only thing to consider is, an oddjober or builder or the like would be charging a whole lot more than he asks for. How important are your neighbourly relations to you?
You could laugh a little when he mentions something needs mending and tell him not to look so hard for a while as you can't afford it, or buy him one cheap bottle of wine/beer in case he asks for money as well.
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A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (6 October 2021):
 I think he is out of order springing things on you like this. He has clearly stated on both occasions that he would not want any money for the jobs, just a token gesture like some beer or wine, then he wants money after that, what on earth is with this guy?.
I would refrain from getting any beer or wine from now on as when he want's money on top of this it is leaving you out of pocket.
Is there anyone that you know who is handy with jobs like this, a family member, friends, or a local reliable trades person. tell him to leave it and you get some quotes, then this way yo know where you are and won't have anything spring on you. As the jobs that require work are shared you are quite within your rights to do this. Just don't automatically leave it to your neighbour as he is proving unreliable.
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