A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Sorry, this is so long. My now ex-fiance and I moved to a 2-family house 2 yrs ago and his best friend lives right upstairs. Naturally, his friend is here a lot and usually has breakfast with us and comes over after work - basically all his free time is spent here. We've all known each other almost a decade, and at one point a few years ago he worked for me over the holidays, but we really didn't spend any one on one time together until we moved here. We have tons in common, like all the same things, have the same interests. Anyway, we started a business together, I write and he does the art design, but he never wanted to work together without my fiance being here. He won't say so, but that's what always happens. Now, my man and I broke up - long over-due and totally peaceably, and I want to work without him being ever present. I told my partner, the friend, but he still keeps including my ex in everything. It really bothers me and I need to build my life apart from my ex. Recently, I got very frustrated and let him know I've had a crush on him but said I would get over it and a friend should understand this happening after a break up. He was great about it considering I know I acted like a total ass in telling him so, but it's worse than ever. How do I break the ice? Is there really any point in trying? I just can't see working on a start-up with someone whose point of view I can't understand.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe's not working. He's making poor decisions. He keeps talking to me informally about the business and about fonts. He avoids having real meetings or collaborative sessions. He made plans to participate in a show the first week of October, but we still have no product and have not completed all the necessary legalities which he keeps wanting my ex to handle (he isn't involved or a lawyer or anything). Our website is very poor. I had to put it up myself and I'm not qualified as a web designer which he is. He made some unusual design choices when I took that initiative, but now it hasn't been worked on for several months. At a time when we should be hitting the ground running, he's unfocused. I actually only said something about having a crush because I thought he must sense it (either from me or from my fiction writing, as he encouraged me to write romance into my character's story). I thought I may be the cause of him acting this irresponsibly. I've worked with people I'm attracted to before and never attacked them but maybe that's what he thinks. I don't get it. I am putting work and capitol into the business, and feel I have every right to expect more from him than quick discussions. He just says he's prioritizing the business and says we're friends when all evidence points to the contrary. I even foolishly offered to step aside and let him run with it, on more than one occasion, and he insists he wants to do this together.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate your reply and I am working on getting over it, focusing on my work, taking classes and generally staying away from prolonged socialization with him, but what I want to know is how, or if it's even possible to make it easier for him to get over my blunder so we can get some work done. Every day that passes our business is losing and we're losing. I'd like to be patient and let some time pass, while he recovers from the compliment but we've all got bills to pay. How can I put that in perspective, nicely?
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