A
female
age
41-50,
*ilMs1973
writes:Ok, here goes: A year ago I started dating a married man. In that time, we have "gotten caught" 4 times, (but not in the compromising position you are probably thinking) He left his facebook up, she hired a private investigator, text messages, etc. I have since moved 1000 miles away from him but we still continue to talk over the phone. He will not leave his wife and he would still like to remain friends (his wife and I both accept his decisions) I would really like to keep him in my life as a friend but my question is: How do I become "just friends" with him if I have already fallen head over heals with him? How do I make that final transition in my mind?
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female
reader, LilMs1973 +, writes (30 January 2011):
LilMs1973 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Honestly these are the answers I was expecting. I really don't think he will ever "choose" me over his wife and I didn't want to lose all contact with him; but I guess that's the best choice at the moment. Thank you all for your advice, it is very much appreciated.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2011): You can't be just friends with him, at least not now.
You need to cut off all contact with him.
Then maybe a long long time from now (I'm thinking, years into the future), when you've for sure moved on from him and vice versa you may be able to be "just friends" ,And sometimes maybe even not then. many people have a policy of never remaining in contact with any ex lovers because it is always a risk to the present relationship. And if you can't be just friends at that point, then certainly not now. if you try you will just end up frustrated and unhappy and it will cause more drama both for you and him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011): They never choose the mistress, but in the off chance they do, it will make you question his every move, decisions, etc. You will become paranoid, because you know he's cheated before. With you. And you know the signs and what to look for. So you keep looking and it messes you up screws with your head, breaks your heart. What fun is that? Just give up the goose. Live your life. Don't ruin it!! Stay away from him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011): You can't. It's pretty simple. You are in love with him so being just friends is out of the question.
Why do you want to be friends with him when you know he won't leave his wife? If you are in love with him you don't want to just be friends. I have a feeling you're still hoping he'll choose you.
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A
female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1 +, writes (29 January 2011):
You have no reason to be his friend. The best thing to do is to leave that family alone. Think about her. She had to hire a private investigator. Just move on with your life and change your numbers. Do not even say goodbye. He does not deserve it! He is not leaving her. Have some pride please. Go on and live your life.
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