A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok so im a really shy girl, and its really hard for me to speak my mind. but recently i looked through my boyfriends phone and i found two texts from this girl from two separate times. and he knows she thinks hes cute and basically she is calling him babe and saying i love you to him. and i have asked him if he ever liked her. and he said no never. and a recent text was before his job interview said "good luck babe, i love you." and part of me thinks hes cheating, and i really want to confront him about it asking if he is, and tell him i looked through his phone. but honestly im too scared and afraid how it'll turn out. im afraid of how he reacts. i know im a baby and a "scardy-cat" but i need help please.how do i come about this? how do i tell him i looked through his phone? how do i tell him i think hes cheating on me? how can i get out of the box im in?
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female
reader, No_Nonsense  +, writes (17 February 2009):
 I would suggest you don't tell him that you looked through his phone. If he is guilty, this will give him an excuse to turn the tables onto you. He could use the violation of privacy to turn the blame onto you. So i would stick to the real issue here - the fact that you don't trust him and didn't trust him even before you checked for those messages. Just tell him that you feel you can't trust him and you are wondering if there is something going on with another woman. Also, keep your eyes peeled for other signs that he's cheating. There MUST be other signs there! For example, does he take calls in another room or get a little too dressed up when he's supposedly just 'hanging with the guys?' Does he keep mentioning certain girls, even as friends? You should also ask him bout this girl because you say you have mentioned her before. So obviously you know her. Try ask him stuff about her: how does he know her; do they talk; does he text her? You can play dumb like you don't know that he's texted her and see if he lies to you. If it's just a friendship, he won't lie, but on the other hand if he lies, then there's obviously something he's hiding. And that's reason enough to break your trust forever and leave the relationship!
A
female
reader, Tii3RN3Ybbs.  +, writes (8 August 2008):
 Wow,
I've Been in the exactly same position as ur in now.
With my boyfriend,.
but tbh, i didn't have the guts to say,
and then our relationship soon ended, when i did the same thing :l
but now i can actually help someone with the same situations.
Right well,
You need to say something to him,
because other wise, your love will soon fade from
Eatchother,
and ur trust will fade.
Just get him to stay in one night, And then talk to him, tell him how u feel bout these texts.
but don't ! don't let him turn it around on u.
at all.
because that does happen.
if he says she just a close mate, let it lie a couple of months
and if u find more and more texts.
tell him you've had enough, ,and just think of what u need to do..
i suppose thats all i can help u with x
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A
female
reader, No_Nonsense +, writes (6 August 2008):
Okay so these are the things that struck me:
1. You found very flirtatious messages on his phone - a girl saying 'i love you' won't just be saying that out of the blue! Are there any messages on his phone that he sent to her?
2. You looked through his phone - obviously you don't trust him and you need to figure out why. Without trust in a relationship there is nothing.
3. Your boyfriend said that he doesn't like that other girl but then why are they always talking and obviously exchanging romantic messages?
You have to confront him but don't tell him you went through his phone. If he's guilty of cheating he might turn the tables on you and try to blame you for not trusting him (been there). I think that you should just tell him that you are feeling like something is not right in the relationship or that he gives you reason for not trusting him, such as through his behaviour. But most of all, girl, no matter what he says, you have to follow your gut! If you believe there is something going on, then it's best to move on from this relationship. If you can't trust him and are always going to be wondering what he's up to, then that's just going to hurt you and you don't deserve that. Good luck.
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