A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I know that other people have asked similar questions but I'm wanting some ideas on how to deal best with my insecurities around my boyfriends porn. All the women he looks at in potn look completely different to me . Like I mean there is no woman who is plump like me , larger breasted , or more plain looking .All the women he looks at are completely stunning , thin, taller and smaller breasted with stunning feature whereas I am not ugly but I am definitely average I actually feel quite happy with the weight I am at although I am a little plump I feel it's quite suitable for my frame and genetics and I'm healthy so it's not a matter of losing weight but I worry about why he never ever chooses to look at anyone remotely like me , especially since we are saving full sexual experience forMarriage and hadn't even seen me completely naked yet . We share fantasies and I've seen his porn but I'm a little worried that I dont appear to be the body type he prefers and that perhaps he wishes he could find the porn star type but is settling for me since it's not easy to get a woman with a body and looks like that How do I accept that I am second best and that given the choice it appears he would prefer me to look differently
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (8 September 2014):
 Second best? not in this world. You can't let this get to you. He's just being a guy, it has nothing to do with you.No worries, there's a world full of women thinking that porn is all about them. It's not, it's about male fantasy. Guys have fantasy. Girls don't fantacize the same way men do. Men think differently than women(now there's a newsflash)So, bottom line; ifyou are in love you will never be second to vaporstreams on the net.
A
female
reader, ImissFuturama  +, writes (15 August 2014):
 Don't assume you're second best. If he's anything like me, what he likes to look at in porn and what he wants in real life are very different. I'm a straight woman who has a fetish that I like to watch other women perform. I have no sexual attraction toward women in real life, and I also wouldn't want to try my fetish with my boyfriend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2014): I think if you are happy in all other aspects of your relationship, your husband is still attracted and makes love to you, then the only thing that is worrying you is your own insecurities.Think of the celebrity you have a crush on, think of what you may masturbate or fantasise over yourself (if you ever do that). Whoever your 'dream man' looks like, probably doesn't compare to your husband, but what you have with your husband isn't just a horny bit of fun like porn is, I hope it is a loving and complete relationship which is a lot more that a quick 'get off'.Most men look at porn, some more than others, some hide it, some are open about it. Now, unless you feel looking at porn is unhealthy and is affecting your relationship or his life on a higher level, this is purely about you feeling a little insecure that you don't look like a porn star or his 'type'.Now, if he is MAKING you feel like 2nd best, and not making you feel sexy and amazing, you need to confront him, make it clear the women in porn makes you uncomfortable about how you look, that he doesn't make you feel good, etc. You should never accept that, and quite frankly don't waste your time if he is putting you down about how you look. However, if it's just your own insecurities making yourself feel like 2nd best then you need to realise that he wants to be with you, and there's more important things than looking like a porn star bimbo, dress how you feel most confident, keep in mind times that you've felt really really sexy, treat yourself to lingerie that you like and push those doubts out of your head.When I got together with my boyfriend, I found out he exclusively liked and dated and watched porn with women in their late 30s and 40s (I'm 22!) I found this so intimidating! But I guess I just told myself, well that's fine if that's what he likes, but I'm going to give him something even better. And I make him laugh and am affectionate towards him, and the sex is better than watching porn or casual hook ups, even if I'm not the girl who is his perfect type or has the best looks, the sex is great because there's a lot of feeling and we're in sync and I'm not shy to feel or act sexy around him. I know I'm not 2nd best because even if I'm not the best in bed, I am more than that, I am more than just a porn star getting him off. I hope that makes sense and good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2014): They always look at what they don't have. I'm used to having boyfriends that masturbate over me so I'm going find one of them u could too if u wanted. Not all men look at porn so don't believe that line.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2014): This is a hard question and harder to answer. Hmmm...I struggle with the same question sort of. My man loves porn and can't live without it and has told me flat out he won't!! I don't get it and think if you can't live without something then there's an issue...haha! Sorry, but get use to it. Where there's porn we will always be 2nd, not comforting I know but this is the machine that's been created. I watch it with him cause he loves it and think most of it is comical and try really hard not to laugh while he is rock hard and really into a scene.
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