A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife and I had a six week break before we got back together and got married. She was 19 at the time. During that time she was living with a family member who had a male roommate who was the same age as her father. She had a sexual relationship with him. Is it unreasonable that it bothers me so much that she was able to move on to a sexual relationship with this man so fast after our breakup. We had waited almost two years to be intamate, and were each others firsts, and my only. How could she move on so quickly?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (31 August 2013):
 There you have it. She did not actually " move on so fast ", she was under the false impression , due to lies spread by her family , therefore by people she probably trusted , that you had betrayed her, and maybe she wanted to sort of get back at you, take a sort of revenge. Plus, at 19 many people are still malleable and influenceable, so if this relative of hers pressured her into hooking up with the older guy ( strange choice by the relative, though ! ), what with being emotionally frail after the breakup, what with being young, malleable and inexperienced, she might have not been strong enough to resist the pressures . It does not sound as if she really had already emotionally moved on from you- it's more like a misunderstanding caused by your families' interference.
Not to say that she hasn't any responsibility, after all, she has not been raped , she was consenting- but , that she said yes in a moment of vunerability does not mean that she had suddenly lost all her feelings for you.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (31 August 2013):
 For some reason her family didn't like you so they were telling lies to break up the relationship. Were you married against their will? A family member hooked her up with a guy as old as her father? Her family sounds pretty messed up.
There is more to this story than the general, how come people move on so quickly.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI love her. It devistated me when she left 10 years ago, I tried to kill myself. The breakup was caused by lies spread around from her family that we were being unfaithful to each other. I have never been with anyone but her. The one who convinced her to leave me is the one who hooked her up with this other guy. It's really hard to forget when your in laws love to remind you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (31 August 2013):
I think it is unreasonable that you STILL married her if this bothered you so much. That must have happened maybe 10 years ago, or more, and after all this time you still haven't got over it- imagine how negative you must have felt about it at the time it happened. And yet, with nobody pointing a gun at you, you chose to take her back and , in fact, commit to stay together for the rest of your life. Why ?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2013): Was this a long time ago? I think it was because of her age. Nineteen is young!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (25 August 2013):
She didn't do anything wrong, and you are not unreasonable to be bothered. You know what I wouldn't take her back either. Not because she did something wrong, but just because I wouldn't be able to deal with it. If your relationship was so great and serious, how come you broke up?
Is this a case of a guy who is unsure and fearful of commitment then realizes what he is missing but it's too late?
Women hate slow moving men. It's a waste of time. What she did is almost like a punishment for you hurting her with a break.
I can relate. If I had the same situation and I hooked up with a guy in a break: In my mind I would be thinking "Why don't I just fuck this whole thing up, so something revolting so that would stop me from getting back with him?" I agree with Honeypie it's not about having moved on but using someone to move on.
At the end, she loved you too much to let you go and the idea of marriage was tempting. Marriage doesn't come by easy so let's take a chance. You both paid for it and are suffering from the consequences when you haven't dealt with the unresolved issues.
After more than ten years you are still obsessed with this and feel cheated out of the experience of having a devoted girl who would wait on her hands and feet for you to commit. Forgive me if I am wrong but this happens way too common and this is how men and women destroy each other.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2013): People in here will jump to her defense and tell you that she did nothing wrong and it isn't entirely your business. Fair enough, that is true. What I will tell you, is in your situation, I too would find it difficult to live with. I don't think I would take her back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2013): Thats part of being a woman. Sex is available anywhere and anytime - ESPECIALLY when you are a sexy 19 year old. She was hurt, stressed and vulnerable. The guy obviously made a move and in her youth and naivety she fell for it quickly. She was a teenager, remember that. Totally different person than she is now. You're upset not only due to jealousy, but you're experiencing feelings of inadequacy because you didn't experience much before or after being with her. You could have, you do realize this? In that 6 weeks you could have had sex with others. It really was upto you. Don't blame her for being young and silly and doing something to make herself feel better. She didn't even know you two would get back together. Because you lack much sexual experience, you need to understand that sex with out love isn't this fantastic thing. Guys get more out of it - but its never the best sex you've EVER had.It tends to lack heart pounding passion, loving kisses and that awesome pleasure when you're with someone who knows your body and what makes you tick. Its very manual - the anticipation is hotter than the actual sex as its something new, but the sex, meh...in and out, in and out. Not over the moon great sex. Be kind to your wife about this, otherwise she'll become your ex & have more sex with other men!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 August 2013):
 It doesn't mean she "moved" on, it could mean she TRIED to forget/move on by sleeping with someone else.
Don't forget she was also possibly vulnerable after the break up and a older guy felt "safer".
I'm guessing sex with you meant a whole lot more to her then it did with the older dude.
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