A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I realize this is a very broad question, and every woman is different so there's no single "right" answer, but I'm curious what people's general thoughts are?To what extent do women have sex because they think it will help them catch a guy? I realize it could be partly because they want to have sex, and partly because they think it will help them catch the guy. But, is it common for women to be motivated largely because they view sex as being similar to candy (for lack of a better analogy) that will hook a guy?Conversly, how often do they do it primarily because they're in the mood and just want sex? i.e. how often is it primarily just lust, without much thought given to whether or not it will lead to a long term relationship?I realize any given woman might be motivated by different things at different times, I'm just curious what the more common reasons are for having sex for women? In a sense, my question is if there's any truth to the saying that "women give sex to get love, and men give love to get sex"?As a man, for me this saying simplifies things too much, but there seems to be some truth to it in terms of men giving love to get sex.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2011): It depends on the woman, her age, her expectations, her self worth. Stuff like that. When I was younger, (mid 20's) I often had sex because I felt that I had to in order to "catch" or "keep" a guy interested. Truth is those guys didn't care about me. They just wanted sex. That's why I felt the pressure. I have since learned that it is stupid to do that and unnecessary. A guy who truly likes you will not pressure you. But I no longer give off that "vulnerable" vibe either. I could care less if a guy is interested in me or not. If he is not down to go with me at my pace he can take a hike. So in my case, I had "to catch a guy" sex not necessarily because I was horny but to actually catch a guy. Maybe I was lonely. While many women have been in my shoes, there are women who have other reasons for sleeping with men.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 September 2011):
 Plenty of women use sex to catch a guy, or genuinely confuse sex with love. Women tend to connect feelings to sex, as do men, but the social standard is for men to not relate sex with feelings.
Then again, if these girls do catch a guy with sex, they will not continue to perform purely to keep him, although that might still be in the cards. If a woman used sex only to get a guy then the sex tends to stop once the relationship deepens.
If a woman genuinely enjoys sex then she'll have sex. A woman who doesn't use sex to catch a man, and knows that sex does not equal love, will wait with introducing sex until the relationship is more settled.
Women who enjoy one night stands will have one night stands without wanting any of them to result in relationships. There's no correlation between wanting sex and wanting a relationship. A woman can want sex without relationship, she can want relationship and use sex to get it, or she can want relationship and wait with sex.
I'll just emphasize that in my experience, women rarely use sex to KEEP a guy. They use it to GET a guy, but after he's been caught, if they genuinely do not enjoy sex, they will stop having sex. Alternatively they get turned on while being in love, but once they aren't at the high point of being in love sex can decline unless they have a natural urge for sex.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (27 September 2011):
 this implies that women do not really like having sex but they tolerate it in order the manipulate a man. i don't agree, in all cases. there is a mixture of women in the world - some have it because they love sex, even with guys they do not love, they love it with strangers, they will do it and never have any intention of seeing the man again, some do it to try to entice a man away from his wife and have him for herself, some do it to try to create closeness between herself and the man, trying to make a FWB realise what a great person she is, there are ones who only have sex while in their relationship to try to prevent him seeking sex elsewhere, there are ones that have sex because it makes them feel like they are loved, if only for the moment. i could go on...
there are extremes of behaviour at both ends of this spectrum and it all depends on the individuals attitude to sex, love and relationships. like everything else - some people have hidden agenda, with some people what you see is what you get, they are genuine.
i could ask this question - how common is it for men to be nice to women because the think it will help them get sex??
i think all we can do is look at the behaviour of the person with are with. judge them as an individual
x
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (27 September 2011):
 First, I think the whole "women give sex to get love and men give love to get sex" is a flawed statement, because it implies that love and sex are not expressions of love, but merely the tools for the bartering of services.
Also, in my opinion, your questions are so vague that no one woman can possibly answer for so many others of different temperaments, upbringings, cultures, moral compasses, religious beliefs, education, etc.
I have sex with my husband because I love him. It's as natural as conversation, and it's recession-proof. LOL.
I've never used sex to "hook" a guy, because I would never have sex unless I was in love and that love was returned. I never made those statements out loud in order to get commitment, but I know that I could never do casual FWB settings, nor have I ever used sex for barter to get favors, nor ever withheld it as a weapon to manipulate my outcome. I've also never faked it either, so when I'm into it, my husband knows that it's real.
When I wasn't married, I steered clear of men with the "give to get" mentality. Nothing about those motives or that line of thinking ever attracted me anyways.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (27 September 2011):
 Unfortunately, there are LOTS of women who DO seem to believe this.... or, at least, they ACT as if it makes sense.... My "take" on this matter can be described like this:
Women offer sex in hopes that it will lead to a loving relationship; Men feign a loving relationship in the belief that that will get them sex....
Go figger!!!!!
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2011): Men look for sex and find love and women look for love and find sex. I find that to be a true statement in general.
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