A
male
age
51-59,
*ustmeScarb
writes:Statistics show that the number of both attached men and women that cheat on their significant other are about equal. If this is true, how come it's much harder for a man to meet a woman to cheat with than it is for a woman to find a man to do the same? Women have a much easier time of attracting a man, it seems like there are more men looking that women which contradicts the statistics. Does this mean that women can be more choosey, and get a man that they want, and men have to settle for who they can find? It seems so unfair. I don't want to debate here the morality of cheating, just want to know if it's just me or other people see this as well. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2011): This is false in Arab cultures it's the men who do the choosing so the answer at the top is only true in some regions of the world. In most of the world, women do not have the same rights they have in the U.S.
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (30 July 2011):
 getting back to the animal kingdom (coz humans are animals) you will notice that the male animals always have to have SOMETHING that draws a mate. be it beautiful plumage, the ability to fight and beat other males, the best mating call, be the best at building a nest, etc etc
all the female has to do is to BE THERE and she does the choosing. maybe coz the male of any species is more driven to spread his seed (sorry person1234!) than the female is.
OP i know the above info will not help you in your quest to find sex partners, but nature is a powerful force and there is only so far we can stray from that path.
all you can do if you are looking for partners is do what the animals do. look as good as you can, and achieve as much as you can, have the best mating call! brag about what you can earn (an aphrodisiac for lots of women - IF you are looking for a shallow one who will have sex with you and you are not interested in her 'loving you, for *you*')
do all this and let nature take its course! the women will choose. yes this is unfair but life very often is. if its any consolation, us ladies get the shit end of the stick in different ways
x
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male
reader, JustmeScarb +, writes (30 July 2011):
JustmeScarb is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your responses. The stats I refer to are from a news report I saw on TV a few days ago. When I said men were looking for women to cheat with, I meant to fill a viod in their lives, not just because they were horny. If men are just horny, we can just pay for a pro or pick up someone at a bar. I really mean is to find a women on a dating website (i.e. Ashley Maddison or Adultfriendfinder) and being truthful about their marital status. On those sites men usually out number women by 8 or 10 to 1. If the stats of both men and women cheating are getting closer together, then why isn't the ratio on this sites getting smaller. Therefore women can be more choosey than men.
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (30 July 2011):
 Right, but that's ONE instance of a woman deciding she doesn't want to be with you. That doesn't have to do with the majority of the population, it doesn't even mean necessarily women can be choosier, it just means, to be blunt, she isn't necessarily choosing you. Also having an affair because she isn't attracted to her partner is filling a void in the relationship, not just out of horniness. I'm wondering why you posted this as a generalization to all women and all men versus just your specific problem with this one specific situation?Also I'm getting extraordinarily tired of this whole men want to spread their seed argument, as it's not supported by any actual scientists. Evolutionary psychology isn't actually science, it's a form of philosophy where people just sit around trying to rationalize things to fit current desires. Here's an excellent take-down of the whole spreading of the seed argument:http://www.nytimes.com/1999/02/21/magazine/men-women-sex-and-darwin.html
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (30 July 2011):
men are usually the ones who are more into non-committed sex. since the earliest humans, men are are all about spreading their seed with as many breeding partners as possible. women are more about finding a man who will stick around to hunt, gather and help them raise their offspring. of course times have changed but our natural instincts remain largely the same
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2011): .....it's not all about "opportunity presenting itself", because per my previous answer, the woman that I'm currently with decided that she wanted a lover as the result of being married to a man she isn't attracted to sexually. Now, the opportunity finally presented itself with me in the picture, but she was looking for the right candidate.
Her husband thinks that she is asexual or stressed out, sticking his head in the sand in denial, when in reality she is a freak with a high sex drive! A woman won't cheat for sex alone?? Puh-leeez! Yes...they love the attention and charming overtures from a younger guy, but a woman languishing in a marriage with no passion will seek out wild sex with all guns blazing.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 July 2011):
 Who told you life was fair? And you believe it is? Whoa.
Men ALWAYS have to settle for what they can get. It's in the rule book. The same one that said life is fair.
Maybe you can fund a study that determines if only super-attractive people get to cheat with whomever they choose, the rest have to settle for the dregs of cheaters.
And to add to what RedAthena said, cheating happens because opportunity presents itself, AND the person is predisposed--for whatever reason--to cheat.
I think male cheaters trying to chat up women in bars are no different than the single men looking for a quick casual sex thing, so the male cheaters are competing with their single brethren. They don't get a 'front of the line' pass that leapfrogs them ahead of the single guys, they're all in the same mating pool.
Male cheaters who are looking for a sex partner online are competing with the single men in that arena too. There's no 'front of the line' pass there either.
So if someone is exceedingly unsuccessful at attracting sex partners as a single person, that doesn't change when they marry. They'll still be likely to be unsuccessful at 'pulling' or 'scoring' if they are attempting to cheat while married or otherwise spoken for than if they were single.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (29 July 2011):
To chime in on this one, the statistics are getting close, but it's not even yet (by at least 10%, some studies say more). Also to add since this wasn't clear in my last post, the vast majority of people, male and female, who cheat do so to fill an emotional void, not a physical one. It's not out of a need to get laid.
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female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (29 July 2011):
 Laughs. DO you have a link on these "statistics"?
I agree with person12345, most people do not decide "I think I will go shopping for someone to cheat with today. Oh darn, the store is closed."
Cheating happens BECAUSE opportunity presents itself.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2011): some people do it on the internet. my ex was a prime example of that. she was honest enough to tell them she was greedy. unfortunately she never told me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2011): You have a point. Men are are more willing and indiscriminate while women have to be more picky because, from a biologically standpoint, there is more at rick for them. I have been a lover to three married woman, and a couple of girls who were engaged or living with their significant others. My current married lover is really attractive from head to toe(s), and with a great career - she stand to lose so much if she gets busted, but I'm glad she chose me!........which brings me to the answer you're looking for. If a woman wants to have sex or cheat, she will know within the first five minutes of looking and talking to the guy if she will or won't. My married girlfriend told me straight up that she was eying me for about six months and that she wanted me, and when someone introduced us it was game on....and for three years now. Bottom line: you need to convey to a married woman that you're not desperate,funny, attractive, and that she doesn't have to worry about drama, because drama on the home front is what she's trying to elude.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (29 July 2011):
Gonna have to disagree with you on this one.Because usually when people cheat it's not because they wake up one morning and think, "I think I'll go find someone to cheat with" unless they are intending to be cruel/serial cheaters. By that I mean, it's easier for a woman to go to a bar and pick up someone for casual sex, but cheating isn't usually someone going out prowling for casual sex.Cheating most often happens because the opportunity presents itself, and then the person takes that opportunity because something is missing from their current relationship. Say with a good friend, coworker, someone they just happen to meet. Most people don't go out looking to cheat.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (29 July 2011):
 I disagree with you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2011): No one wants to be the "other woman" except for the few homewreckers out there. From my experiance on this site, most of the guys lie about being married. But thats wrong on so many levels. Also if a woman gets a certain "douchebag" vibe from a guy, it tends to turn her off lol.
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