A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How can I get over the fear of being as ding up alone(not married with children) - this fear has lurked such insecurity that it had led me into the arms of men that are verbally abusive and self centered - I've had one bf since I was 19-25(self centered- verbally abusive) - I finally put an end to that to spend 5 years in a doe world spiral of self sabatoge - eating my emotions- having out with fake people and just chasing attention from the wrong pwople(tried online dating only to see that they only want sex) so i stopped and tried to evaluate and God like the first bf brought someone again in my life that by chance I met at a work event- long story short because I have the fear that I'm not gonna meet anyone of my time is running out(im32) - no suprise Thai guy was well just like the first or even worse - at least maybe through the advise of my family God probably did me a favor by having him dump me as my family says- long story short I am aware that (through therapy and family) that my fear has led me hear but I'm always worrying about where I'm gonna meet the next one- it's ironic that the only two bf I've had I never thought I'd meet but now I'm in a state of panic- no one at work - none of my friends - none online(been there done that) - that feeling is always in the back of my head so it ampifies the fear- I wanna let go this obsession but how can I? To be honest these two men didn't please me- it was a deep deep infatuation with having. Someone that sucks the life out of me but it's not like they gave me much- attention - love - respect - I don't get it why am I this way? My sister and Doctor tell me if I don't change my way I'm gonna end up worse but I can't stop! I'm either full into a search or depressed and lonely crying non stop for months to a year until someone comes to eater the other obsession - haven't seen my ex for 6 months but haven't stopped checking his social media and creeping - only to feel worse! How can I find a balance of an "aha" moment of stop breathe relax - maybe God will sen fuou someone??!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 November 2016):
 To anon male, do you think god send someone to everyone? If that is the case then why is everyone not happily married? Why did I bother trying to get to know men if god had one lined up for me? I don't think it is fair to give the OP false hope that she should just stay at home and wait for god to send someone to her door because life does not work like that.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2016): God will send you someone! God also has the power to give you children so dont forget to spare a thought for God now and again.You also have family members from the past wishing you on to a better life.You must ask yourself if you prepared to meet someone who you will treat with kindess and respect and if you are prepared to meet someone whom you will treat with kindness and respect also.Have you been consistently kind to the people who have come towards you?We do tend to reap what we sow and some people who throw the seeds of evil around their lives suddenly want to retract everything and see the blooms of love.You have to think carefully of the pathway you are walking on.Many people see the pathway of life as a mountain accessed via foothills, gentle pathways and steeper more challenging paths.Some are filled with scree, easy to slip on and therefore more dangerous,others lead to magnificent views over valleys where you can pause and enrich yourself.There are some very good meditation sites on the web and you can develop your mind so that you stop seeing meeting a partner as a conquest or an all or nothing experience. Also you need to access your own inner thoughts because you are in charge of your own soul and you never own anyone else.You cannot pull the wool over Gods eyes even though you may be adept at doing so in the human realm.Just wanting to be with someone isnt enough. Just wanting sex also isnt enough.People are not on the shopping list of life!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (29 November 2016):
Look OP god is not going to send someone just for you, that is not how life works, as if it was it would be much more a black and white world.
You are attracting the wrong guys because you are coming across as desperate. The moment you learn to love yourself and be happy single is the moment you will feel so much better. A man is not going to fill that place in your life, you need to do that yourself. Answer me this would you rather be with someone who abuses you? Or be alone and happy? I know which one I would choose.
I know it is hard being lonely. But you need to make that change. You need to fill up your time with meeting people, both male and female. Get a new job, take up new hobbies, work for a charity. Get active. Eat healthy. Join a gym. You can make your life change. Not me, not anyone on here, not god, not any man. ONLY YOU. No point in waiting start making changes now. Don't give in and don't say you can't because you can.
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A
female
reader, LoveShoudntDestroy +, writes (26 November 2016):
 I am also 32, recently single and no kids. I focused on school and work and also have felt that I have to hurry up and find someone to marry and impregnant me. It's not only your fault but media, society, and the world puts stigma on women about where we should be in our thirties. It's sad. I deal with anxiety and depression and it's gotten worse every time someone says, "oh my gosh, your how old and no kids and not married". I want to tell them a thing or two but I realize they are ignorant to even comment on my "status". I'm just telling you that I totally feel your pain and recently got my heart trampled on by a malignant narcissist. I am scared to even trust anyone new. My ex broke more than my heart, he broke my soul. I'm slowly but surely getting myself back but don't let yourself be like me. Don't waste time on the wrong person. You definitely need to do some self-care and maybe get some new hobbies besides stalking social media(trust me it's like regressing in your recovery of getting over the ex) Try and go as long as you can without using social media. It's really hard but you will have a lot of free time to try new things and meet new people. Don't rush it. Be grateful your not stuck in a horrible relationship. Give yourself a little break and try to better yourself so when you find the right guy you are positive, happy, and full of light energy not dark bitter energy. There are billions of people on this planet and dating sites are free so no excuse not to meet a good guy when it's the right time. Oh ya, one more really important thing.. Pray! This is something I'm really trying to do as I feel it is obligatory for positive change. Pray, Meditate, ask God for something everyday, and then ACT. Nothing changes if nothing changes. You will find someone soon who wants to be with you and eventually your ex will be a distant memory. God Bless and I really hope you stop going on social media(I promise it's worth the healing of your heart, mind and soul-that Facebook can be toxic-I honestly also know how hard it is so don't worry if you slip, just try again-. Good Luck??P.S.I tried to rank the 2 previous comments with 5 stars, sorry if I didn't do it right as I'm new to this forum. God bless.??????
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (26 November 2016):
There is no magic quick fix for loneliness, and no guarantees about how quickly you can cease to become single: it depends when you meet the right person. I would simply encourage you to give yourself as many distractions as you can: you ponder and dwell on this because you have the time to do it. Go out more with friends, do some volunteering, go to groups who share a common interest with you, think about goals in other areas of life such as your work, and really consider what it is you are looking for in a partner. Dating is a long game: you have to weed out many frogs before finding a prince, as the saying goes. So please don’t put all your hopes in to dating, but make a happier, more fulfilling life for yourself. That will help give you a healthier, longer-term perspective on dating because you won’t see each date as a potential instant answer to all your prayers.
If you can simply learn to lessen the extent to which this is all-consuming, you will find being single easier to live with. More importantly, you won’t be looking for a man to make you feel complete, but will be building a life for yourself, ready to share it with some-one worthy of you when he comes along. It’s important for you to remember that you are not alone. You have people who care about you, and plenty of people are in the same position as you. It’s also important to take it day by day: when you have a bad day (and you certainly will), try and focus on making the next day better. It’s easy to tell you to get over your exes, to learn to be happy by yourself and not to dwell on things. The truth is that it takes a real effort and commitment to do that: you need to use this unhappiness that you now feel to inspire you to make that commitment. And find patient friends and family to support you: the kind of people who’ll help you reason things out and see sense when your emotions are clouding your judgement. And finally, block the ex on social media. Looking at how he’s getting on is going to do you no good at all: it’s about you now.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (26 November 2016):
 You need to stop ignoring the advice, OP. You can't be a mother or a girlfriend until you help yourself.
Get a job (or a new one).
Volunteer at an animal rescue/care home/homeless shelter.
Join a hobby group: hiking/walking/book club/etc.
I don't mean to be harsh, OP, but I think you need it because we've seen you post this several times: God will not change anything for you because you refuse to change it for yourself.
Guys will want you, but only when you've improved your life. Make friends and invigorate your life. You can't ignore our advice and expect it to change.
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