A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I separated from my (now) ex-H over a year ago. A few months later I decided the relationship was way beyond saving, so I told him to sign the D papers in September 2008. The papers were legal just this March, but things were over far before then. We were together 10 years and he had several emotional affairs, constantly flirted with other women, possibly had a couple of physical affairs, and was completely emotionally/psychologically abusive to me. Anyway, the final straw for me was when I found out he was starting yet another affair with a girl who I thought was my friend, that was it. Over. He's been seeing her for almost a year now possibly longer (that I know of).I started seeing a really great guy myself in about 7 months ago. At first my ex would grill me about who the guy was, what he did, what he looked like, etc. I told him its none of his business. Since then my ex has been doing all kinds of crap to keep in contact me. Contacting me for a legit reason (we had our house on the market and some other financial things that needed to be closed out/dealt with over several months) and as soon as he contacted me about the legit thing, it would always turn into him somehow verbally harrassing me. I have asked him repeatedly to leave me the h*ll alone. I give him that same "respect" (honestly, I just don't care who/what he's doing, I've moved on) and don't contact him or his GF or otherwise start stuff.Recently, my ex has decided he needs to further disturb my life. He is trying to dig up "dirt" on my BF, and when he doesnt' get a rise out of me from that he has now resorted to contacting my BF via IM and social networking sites. My BF is insightful and sees my ex for what he is (pathological liar, narcissist, etc.) and laughs it off. My ex has contacted my BF via IM once in the last 2 weeks. My BF was polite and spent maybe a total of 3 minutes chatting with my ex before he told him that he doesn't care and will not be talking to my ex any further. My ex started off telling lies about me, and then tried to turn the convo to make my BF think they might become buddies. My BF has since put my ex on "ignore". Apparently, last nite my ex decided to be nosy/intrusive and put in a friend request to my BF on a social networking site. My BF, being honest, told me about this. I'm about to completely blow my top over my ex and his childish/intruding behavior. Thank god my BF laughs it off, but I'm guessing that can only go on so long.I'm so worried my ex is going to slowly errode my relationship with this great guy. When I hear from my BF that my ex has been contacting him I get really stressed out and want to scream and cry. God forbid I might actually be happy ...and happy without my ex. My BF thinks my ex is probably having some drama in his own relationship or otherwise in his life and is trying to make me as miserable as he is. I obviously really cannot control my ex's behavior, so the only thing I have thought to do with this recent contact is ignore him. I don't want to contact him to tell him "leave me alone, i know what you're up to" because I have the feeling that is exactly what he wants. He then knows he's upsetting me and getting my attention. I don't know what else to do other than ignore him. I so want to contact him and tell him exactly what I think of him and his childish behavior and miserable life, but I have the feeling I do that and he wins. Does anyone have any suggestions about what I can do to deal with this mess and get him out of my life for good? My ex made my life hell for at least 5 years and I've come so far since then and am actually happy, but now I feel like he's coming back to haunt me. What do I do with this situation?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, kellyxxx  +, writes (24 June 2009):
 Firstly, ignore him! Secondly record all the times and dates and methods of how he tries to make contact, keep it all together in a diary. Save conversations, print off pages off the internet and save this with the diary. When you have built up a bit of evidence against him you can take it to the police and ask for a restraining order! Your ex will be informed that there is a restraining order in place and if he breaches it he could face a fine, community service or prison sentence. X
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