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How can I stop living in the past and stop worrying?

Tagged as: Health, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 March 2017) 4 Answers - (Newest, 30 March 2017)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hello everyone, how does someone stop living in the past , it seems like my life is a contact worry, I can't escape my own "prison"

I always worry about what other people think of me , constant non stop, whether it's a work, at home , with friends, I can't seem to relax.

If I'm not worried about that I live in the past, I revisit old situations in the past like relationships that went wrong and think the scenarios over and over in my head. For example my ex was a man that wasn't nice but I seem to think over scenarios when I was with him and somehow start blaming myself.

"What if I was on the phone too much that night and he got mad", "what is he couldn't stand my insecurity." This happens over and over and I can't seem to have a free day of worry less thoughts

Does anyone have any tips, I have tried therapist and multiple medications, the medications give me side effects and the therapists say that I listen but I can't put into practice what I hear .

Any ideas , my life is never lived on the present

View related questions: my ex

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A male reader, BrownWolf Canada + , writes (30 March 2017):

BrownWolf agony aunt

"my life is never lived on the present"

Well, presently you choose not to live in the present.

No one is telling you to live in the past or worry about everything....YOU are doing to it to yourself...and no one can make you stop but you.

You seem to enjoy it. Because no keeps doing something they do not like. We do what we like.

You can go to a million doctors, and take a truck full of meds...but unless YOU want to will never happen.

You said you are always worried about what people think of you...Okay...I think you are weak minded. Have no backbone to stand up for what is right. You let yourself be control by negative and foolish thoughts...because you are weak.

Prove me wrong. :)

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A female reader, Caring Aunty A Australia +, writes (28 March 2017):

Caring Aunty A agony auntIf you say "you can't put into practice what you hear" it begs further clarification. Is that because; you can't or won't as there is a difference? “Can’t” implies you have a limitation, or not skilled; “won’t” is by choosing not to do something even though you can. No doubt the Therapist is trying to give and teach you skills how you can apply yourself when your negative thinking takes root.

Nevertheless you have sadly made MISERY is your friend... you've allowed its roots to deeply establish itself into your daily living. I'm sure your thoughts first started as small weeds and yet you constantly fed them your negative fertilizer for them to flourish.

You also appear to seek (choose) misery rather than put into practice what you hear from your therapist to rid you of this infestation? For me whenever I have negative thoughts it’s like listening to a static radio frequency, I need to tune it in to positive thinking.

Here I assure you the mind is powerful; and pending on what you choose to willingly concentrate on it will program you in that direction – HAPPINESS or MISERY.

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A female reader, malvern United Kingdom +, writes (27 March 2017):

malvern agony aunti think a lot of us are guilty of living in the past, What if this? What if that? but none of us can turn back the clock, the past has gone and nobody can change it. Sometimes you have to think 'actually they upset me, they didn't do this or that very well, they weren't such a wonderful person all the time and they had their faults. We've all done things we regret and we all learn from it so try to move on. Stop worrying about what other people are thinking about you. I used to do this and my mother said, 'People are too busy thinking about themselves and their own lives rather than spending their time thinking about you!'. She was right of course. Actually most people don't remember things very well anyway. I've often commented about things from the past to my friends and they can't even remember what it was all about.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (27 March 2017):

Sorry, sweetie! You have a poor outlook on life. That's where worrying and fear usually comes from. Not seeing anything good in your life or around you doesn't give you any hope. So you'll dwell on past things that went wrong, people who should no longer be in your life; and you're ungrateful for anything good that comes your way. You dwell on misery, and dismiss anything else.

Somehow, I think this is all about that guy. You just won't let go. Your stubbornness is working against you.

Count your blessings, and appreciate even the smallest act of kindness. Do anything that gives you pleasure and savor it. Celebrate the smallest joyful moment. Make good things happen for people you love, and stop centering all your thoughts on yourself. Or that guy!!!

Get a hobby, express yourself through art. Get out and socialize in order to make some friends. If you make a mistake, correct it; and forget about it. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has flaws or imperfections; and everyone gets embarrassed at one time or another. You're not a special target for misfortune. So get a grip! You lost yourself because you made some man the center of your universe. He treated you like sh*t. Well now he's gone!

Feeling oversensitive about others opinions and craving approval sometimes originates from never being unable to please your mother or father, or both. So you have to grow-up and be your own source of praise and encouragement.

You looked to having a man as a haven for protection; but needed to work on yourself first. So you made a bad choice. We all do!

We are assigned the task of being our own source of happiness, and must develop self-love in order to survive.

Others are not responsible for supplying it for you. So if you look to others for everything, you'll miss the train!

We need positive-reinforcement as children to build our self-esteem and confidence. If parents never praise, but only criticize, discipline, and push; that causes emotional trauma that carries over into our adulthood. Then we go to school, and become hyper-sensitive to cliques who make you feel excluded. You may have indifferent-teachers; who never show interest in your progress, or give you encouragement. This happens to the very shy more than anyone else. So everything around you becomes a personal-attack; although it is a common human-experience for everyone else around you. You feel picked-on. Most of it is in your mind.

Life is life, and pretty much the same for us all; regardless of whether it sometimes looks better for everyone else. Some people have a knack for living, surviving on love; and choosing optimism over self-pity or pessimism.

If you don't listen to a mental-health specialist who is trained and licensed to help you; you aren't inclined to listen to much advice from any other source. You have to change your attitude and outlook; and celebrate your own accomplishments. Live life! Set a goal to find happiness, find spiritual-enlightenment, and spread kindness to others.

Let him go!!!

You dwell on your failures, but never take time to look back on your accomplishments; or even try to see things positively.

It's a waste of time and money to go to a therapist; and just sit through a session like a bump on a log. You have to draw something from it. Medications numb the pain or mask the anxiety; but it can't grow you a personality. That's something you have to create within yourself. You never get over things, you drag them around like a sack of stones or a ball and chain. You may need to seek a second opinion from another doctor about your depression and/or anxiety disorder. It's possible you may have seen a dud of a therapist, who is nothing more than a pill-pusher; but that's highly unlikely. So don't give-up on your therapy, and take your medications as prescribed; or it will never get a chance to work. If you get nothing out of therapy, you're resisting it. I also suspect you don't regularly take your meds! So your anxiety persists!

People who only look at the uglier side of life aren't necessarily suffering from mental-health issues. They are often ingrates or cynics who insist on seeing nothing good in anything. There is no therapy for that. It's something you have to overcome in yourself. That is, if you want to, and put your mind to it. You can't give-up in defeat so easily, over some man!

You are still young. Youth comes but once in a lifetime. Sweetheart, don't waste it. Embrace it! You need to learn to distract your mind, and keep yourself from living in your head. Start a journal. List some things you'd like to do that you feel will make you happy. Focus on those goals, and make them happen. Reward yourself and celebrate your success! No matter how small! Who gives a rat's furry-butt what others think? They've got their own problems to worry about!

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