A
male
age
30-35,
*f6100
writes: How can I put a stop to my bad relationship habits, specifically being clingy/Needy? I've had this problem my entire life with women. It started when I was very young after my mother killed herself. I was one of the ones that found her, I was 4 at the time. This started my need to receive affection from the opposite sex I believe. The point where it really started to show was in my first relationship. The closer I got to the girl the more scared I was of being left or abandoned and it caused me to cling for dear life. I always want to talk, or text but when I'm with someone that I'm romantically involved with is when it's the worst. I feel the desire to always be in some sort of physical contact with that person. Whether it's holding hands, an arm around the person or what have you I feel compelled to do it or a begin to feel insecure. Things in the recent past have made it all the worst. I'm a disabled Marine and have been since I was 20 (I'm 24 now). Along with that I was in a bad car accident and my physical health isn't very good but unfortunately this absolutely kills any self esteem I used to have. I haven't been able to work in a few years now and all I have is time on my hands in oppose to my normal workaholic nature. The lack of confidence just adds fuel to the proverbial fire of clinginess. I just met a girl that I did a musical with and absolutely fell for her. I need to stop this pattern so that I can finally have a fighting chance at actually happiness instead of always needing more and being disappointed. Any input would be very welcome and I really appreciate you all taking your time to read this. Happy Thanksgiving as well!
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confidence, disabled, insecure, self esteem, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2012): your welcome. but you know, the only person who can really help you is yourself, its good to have an appointment with a therapist to help you cope with your dilemma, but no matter how many sessions you might have with them but if you don't cooperate with how you think, it wont work.
Take a deep breath, and most of all Love yourself...
A
male
reader, Sf6100 +, writes (22 November 2012):
Sf6100 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both. I called the VA Medical center to make an appointment to talk with someone. I'll try to go into this with an open mind and see if I can change anything.
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A
male
reader, Sf6100 +, writes (21 November 2012):
Sf6100 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for taking the time to give me your thoughts. I'm very apprehensive about going to a therapist. The thought makes me feel like I can't deal with myown problems.
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A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (21 November 2012):
 You suffer from a real phobia, autophobia- or fear of abandonment.
http://www.buzzle.com/articles/fear-of-abandonment.html
The only way to cure this is with therapy. Have you ever seen a therapist to deal with the traumatic loss of your mother? I'm sorry it's all the advice I have for you. You could pretend to not care so much and try to stifle your clingy feelings when starting a new relationship but they won't go away and will ultimately resurface until you get help to deal with them. Good luck and happy thanksgiving to you too.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2012): Happy thanksgiving too! First of all don't belittle yourself.Next, forget about the past. Third learn from your mistakes.Since you are aware of your mistakes, don't do it again, instead focus on the qualities that made the love of your life LOVES you. what are those qualities that made her fall for you. Continue doing those qualities, and Focus on being betterThere's nothing wrong being needy and clingy to your partner just make sure its not suffocating. Give her the space and time she needs for herself. Everybody needs some ME time, when she does let her. But when she's with you, make her feel like she's the luckiest woman in the world.Be spontaneous, unique, imaginative and sweet. Your woman will appreciate that. When she appreciates you, of course in return she will do something that will make you happy and remove your insecurities. Take care..
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