A
male
age
30-35,
*aptainh
writes:I've been living with negative thoughts about myself and what other people think about me for a long time now. Heaps of people have said nice things but the negative stuff always overode this. For example, there are girls that have said this and they may not even know me that well, but they've heard things through other people and have seemed to want to get to know me, but I was to shy to go and talk to them. Part me feels that I have given alot of people the wrong impression and this has led them to distance themselves from me. I wasn't really sure who my friends were but I have learnt alot about myself recently with a lot positive things happening and I've realized that in general, the majority of people see me as a likable person. I'm sick of feeling that I'm isolated. Any advice on how I can start showing people more of who I really am, especially getting to know girls better, would be much appreciated xxxx
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female
reader, getalittlebrighter  +, writes (26 October 2011):
Have you ever tried to notice if there are people around you who feel the same way? You'd be surprised, really. And they can help you go through daiy insecurities.
Being the female version of you, I know how hard it is to overcome this situation, even for a moment.
But you have to build the courage to do so. It may not be instantaneous, it may take a little effort, but it's gonna be worth it. I try to do so everyday. Get a bit of confidence and go from there.
Also, you may not be comfortable being the confident guy, so go for being nice. Most girls (or most girls that would be better for you, I think) appreciate that and it's a great start.
Like, you might not be brave enough to ask a girl out right away, but if you try being smiley and gentle around them, they might see how likeable you are, rather than isolated.
A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx  +, writes (26 October 2011):
 I am alot like you, I used to and still do infact bombard myself with all these negative thoughts about myself, despite what people would say.
There was a time when i was just surronded by friends who would say really nice things about me and swore down they were telling the truth, but i would always think "nah thats not true there just being nice" or one person would say a mean or jokey comment and thats all that i would think about.
After a while i became an insecure mess who only foccussed on the bad sides of things and never looked at the good sides of things. As you can imagine this scared people away and gave people the wrong impression of me.
It made boys not want to date me because they thought id be too much work, it also made me vaunrable so other people would take there chances knowing what made me tick.
You need to focus on the good things about yourself and build it up from there. Start off with one thing and then carry on finding other stuff you like.
If you have one thing you really truely despise about yourself then don't focus on it to much but grdually try and change it if it will make you feel better.
If you want to show people who you really are then you need to start loving yourself learn to appreicate the good things about yourself a small change on the inside makes a huge change on the outside.
Also confidence is the key, try and be as confident as much as you can if you see a girl smileing or looking at you smile back wave to them even go and talk to them if your feeling brave.
Whenever a chance arrives grab it be yourself and try not to put on a fake persona and be someone your not.
Good luck
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