A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend now for nearly 3 years and I love him to bits. although I'm worried that our relationship will never get to where I want it to be (I want marriage, kids etc in the future).He has been married previously and wants to take it slower, as we have a lot of arguments that put him off being fully committed to me. These are mainly down to my insecurities and I guess I feel that if I was more confident that we had a definite future then I would feel less insecure that he may leave me for another.I've found recently that our relationship has kind of taken a BAU stance, we have always have had amazing sex so I know most people talk about spicing up a relationship in this way, but I was wondering if anyone had any ideas how we could reenergise our relationship outside the bedroom as I don't think that's where our issues lie. I think I crave the beginning months of bliss, which I know will never fully come back, but I would love for him to be as in to me and as interested in me as he was back then and also to reignite what we have as I am confident it's special.Does anyone have any ideas of what they've done or anything I could try? I really want to make this work. I love him to bits
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 July 2012):
 Firstly you have to stop taking it personally. I honestly think that if you try harder it would only make him pull back more. Everything you do now would be about marriage and kids. He could see through this. You with your own qualities alone are enough to attract a quality man. With the right person you feel at ease and you don't feel like you have to work hard at it. It has been 3 years. For him, taking things slow may mean he is comfortable with where you are at and has no intention to progress but does not want to lose you yet. He is not particularly interested in hobbies outside the bedroom. He will do enough to convince you to stay but you won't be fulfilled. Understand his real reasons for not committing. It could be financial reasons and that he could not risk another divorce again otherwise he would have nothing to live on. It's really about him and not you. Yes, he had bad experience in the past but he still needs to court a woman and cherish her every day. Love like you have never been hurt before. He's stuck in comfort zone as long as you put up with his non involvement. A man can only offer what he could at the moment, even if it's limited. It's up to you whether you accept this and wait for him.
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