A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:It's a little bit big qstion, I dont know how you'll react but I need some real guiadance, I am 19, and the girl I love is 15, she is my first cousin, please don't choke. I am in love with her for 3 years, but never told her. She is my first love, she means a lot to me, we're friendly, I'm a real shy guy and I'm realy ugly, on the other hand she is sooo gorgeous. A lots of guys at her school are mad for her. In my country's social condition, due to these problem she doesn't have a phone, coz those boys used to disturb her so 3 months back I kind of text her at her mom's phone giving hints that I think I like her, she received it but didn't say anything. When I asked she avoided.The last 3 months were painful, now she is normal again with me. I am depressed about her, I'm always thinking that she doesn't luv me and unhappy about it, so to remove my depression I decided I am gonna officially propose her, I'm becoming mad, in last 2 years I had chances of relations but I rejectd all for my cousin without even knowing if she loves me or not. So how do you think I should propose to her? She doesn't have a phone, I can no more text her mom's phone, I can call her landline but I dunno what to do. Please help me, I plan to tell her on valentines day, I can't even think about any other gal, when I think of anyone else, I feel like I cheated her, please help me, to me love is for once only and it's her only.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2009): Putting aside her age and the fact that you're related, you already said when you hinted to her about it, she ignored the text, avoided you and was generally unreceptive and it took her 3 months to get back to normal with you again. To me that says, she's just not interested. If you make any kind of gesture, its only going to be shot down. Even if you take everything else out of the equation, and she was a friend (as opposed to your underage cousin), I would still say DON'T DO IT.
Fact is, she's just not interested. She behaved how she did 3 months ago, because she was trying to be nice about it, but if you push the issue, you're really going to get your feelings hurt. Its not all about you and what you want... she has shown through her actions that she doesn't like you that way.
True love, first love, all that stuff you said... you're going to just have to let this one go. Sorry to be blunt, but I'm telling you what she's too polite to say - she doesn't like you as a romantic partner. She doesn't want you that way. And if you push the issue, she's going to avoid you for way way more than 3 months. Let this one go and try to get over it. We've all had to suffer with unreuited love. It sucks, but we move on and find someone better.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionu guys r ryt, i hope i could listen to my mind,but on sudden thoughts i think that we only ve one yf n if um not gonna tell her um gonna loose my one n only love, my first love, den i change decisions,coz den my mind thinks dat wot if she says yes, well i ll try ard to do as u say
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks a lot! cdjudd
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (29 January 2009):
 Touche, okay. Thank Goodness you're not going to propose to her.
Listen, personally this is what I would do if my cousin told me he had feelings for me. I would never be able to look him in the eye again. I'm really trying to imagine this and it just would give me the creeps. I'm shuddering at the thought. Even if you guys have a really close relationship, it will all completely change if you confess your feelings to her. It will make her uncomfortable around you and uneasy.
And say she does respond well and accepts a date with you. What happens if it doesn't work out? If you break up. If you start fighting or if she finds someone else? Forget about family get togethers!!! You'll have ruptured your family comfort together.
I would strongly, strongly, STRONGLY advise against going through with it and telling her your feelings. It's very sweet that you think she's great, but she is still your cousin and will probably be very turned off. If you've already dropped hints via text message and she hasn't reciprocated, take this as a rejection and move on.
Nobody can stop you from telling her how you feel and if that will make you feel better, fine. But you are risking your relationship with her and your family ever being the same again.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, cdjudd +, writes (29 January 2009):
Why are you asking for advice if you had this figured out already? Let me cut to the chase, this whole situation is wrong. Just because you don't like what you hear, doesn't mean it's wrong. It doesn't matter what you tell yourself, THIS IS WRONG. This will not turn out in your favor, period.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionsorry, by propose i meant i wanna ask her out n tell her i love her, sorry, poor english i have, propose meant not wedding, it meant a love relation
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (29 January 2009):
Wow, there is just so much here...
Firstly:
Don't propose to her. I don't care if you're related or you're not. You haven't been dating, she doesn't even know you like her - and you think she will say yes to a proposal? You should tell her that you have feelings for her before you ask her to marry you!! No girl would jump into marriage just like that.
Secondly:
She is 15 years old! She is a child. You can't marry someone at this age, it's illegal, not to mention she's your cousin, making it that much more illegal. Granted, I don't know the laws in your country, so maybe it's totally fine, but it's morally not. You can't marry a girl that young. She's not ready and really, neither are you.
Thirdly:
She is your cousin. You'll be screwing up your entire family, their trust and respect for you and for her. There's a chance that your cousin will be completely creeped out that you asked her to marry you and it could make your relationship with her extremely tense. I think you need to calm down your emotions and hormones. You sound like a devoted fella, but you need to devote that energy in other places. Maybe seek some therapy to control your obsession with your cousin.
I'm really not trying to be mean or nasty, I just think that this is all kinds of a bad idea and that you need some time to sort out your depression and unhappiness. Therapy can and will help.
Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question My country and society permits it. Besides , i am ready to cross lines for her love. Tanx
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A
male
reader, cdjudd +, writes (29 January 2009):
Well, this is definitely an awkward situation. For starters, most countries to not allow marriages such as these, so that might be what stops you. Second of all, have you thought about how your family will react to this decision? This is a HUGE issue. Three, in socialization you will most likely become ridiculed for this. The chances of this working are not so high, just because the odds are really stacked against you. I would research the laws on this and also think very carefully about this. This is a big decision that can become devastating to you very quickly. Also, if you guys have never dated, then this is a horrible idea. I hope this helps you out. Best of luck.
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