A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My life is like a soap opera and I don't know what to do about. A girlfriend breaks up with me. I try to reconcile, but she's with someone else so I move on. I am still in a little pain or rebounding, but I began a new relationship with another woman that has become sexual recently. My ex breaks up again and is available. We only know this through the grapevine. I have not seen her, called, emailed, texted, or anything. My new girlfriend is not falsely accusing me or anything. It's just that she's gone from prancing around the house and serving up late night snacks in the nude and being wild in bed to taking it down a notch and just sort of laying since my ex became a free agent. I now see that it was not just me, but that nobody can make my ex happy. But my new girl is not as happy with the world now. What of this is my fault? How can I make my girlfriend secure in our relationship again?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2016): Dean93 sounds good, those things don't just happen, maybe a talk and see who is right for who!! It could help and then you will know where you really are and how things could be good again
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2016): I agree with janniepeg- she likely noticed the look on your face- and read maybe a reaction that was too happy she's available ? Women particularly pick up on these things.
So now is the time to ask yourself if you really ARE over her- its the last chance to do the right thing, and not lead her on.. That's the only information you need to get clear for yourself
If you know you're ready to be with your girlfriend then cutting her off from your info stream, forgetting her and acting like she doesn't exist should come easy to you
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 February 2016):
 I won't say it's your fault but it's a consequence of dating too soon when you were still hurting. Only time will make your girlfriend more secure. Maybe she had an ex who betrayed her by going back to his ex. If that's the case it's her own problem she has to deal with. Maybe she's slowing down because she realizes maybe you went too fast and she doesn't want to get too attached until she's definitely sure that you two are right for each other. You said you didn't see your ex or contacted her. But maybe it's your face, your reaction to the news that bothered her. The times when you talked about your ex, such as the reason you broke up, bits and pieces of information about her. Maybe she could sense that you are not really over her. I would also wonder how you got the news, if you got it together. If you were the only one to hear it, why did you have to tell her?
If you are naturally loving towards her, then there's nothing else you have to do. The only thing is stop mentioning the ex, telling your friends to not talk about her at all. You are not interested in hearing anything, whether she's dating again, she's still on the loose, or she committed suicide. You just simply don't care. Because that seems to be the trigger of your girlfriend's insecurity.
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A
female
reader, dean93  +, writes (24 February 2016):
Perhaps your current girlfriend knows she is the rebound and feels second best, particularly more so now that your ex is single again. I think I would feel the same way too. How long after your breakup did you start seeing the new lady?If you are serious about her and want to make her feel secure, a way to assure her that you are not interested in your ex anymore and neither do you have any contact with your ex like you mentioned in your question. Recently, my boyfriend's ex (they were together on and off for five years) contacted him after she broke up with someone. She texted, called AND emailed. I felt insecure for a moment too and I think it's normal to feel this way, particularly if you and the ex were together for awhile or you were hung up for awhile after the breakup. But he later on assured me by blocking her number and email so she wouldn't be able to contact him anymore. In sum, let her know you love and care for her. The ex is an ex, no need to talk about her or have her in your lives if that is the main factor as to why your new girlfriend is feeling down. A disclaimer though, I know some couples still keep in touch with exes. So it depends on your relationship. Good luck!
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