A
female
age
30-35,
*winn
writes:So long story short, (and don't hate me) but I just recently started cheating on my bf of 4 years (this is the first time I've ever done it and we also don't live together) with a guy who also has a gf that he lives with and they have a 6 year old daughter. Shitty I know. We really like each other and I would even consider leaving my bf for him but I know he won't leave his just because it would be harder for him to do so than it would be for me. He tells me he's not in love with her anymore and I am not in love with my bf anymore either. I know this is a tough situation for him especially so I just don't see her leaving her anytime soon but how can I make him want to do so?? If I left my bf would he leave her?? Deep in my heart I know this won't work out but I have a slight chance of hope that it could. He rarely talks about his gf or his relationship with her so it's hard to determine if he would even do so. I want him to want to be with me, just not to have sex with. BTW, we've only had "sex" twice so far-- the first time he couldn't get hard at all and the second time it was hard for maybe like a minute tops... Why do u think that is?? Does he feel guilty or is worried that's why he wouldn't be able to.... But both times!! We have so much chemistry and sexual tension between us. I'm just con conflicted! A part of me wants to end things but a part of me still gets the emotional satisfaction out of it, while still have my main dude. BUT I also want to be with this guy-- not just each other's escape. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2015): I know everything is not always about sex but I couldn't personally be with a man who found it difficult getting aroused. I certainly wouldn't even be thinking about him leaving his girlfriend if I knew I couldn't have sex. If it's not about sex then why have you attempted to have sex?There is absolutely no need to be with your boyfriend like others have said. If you are meant to be with this guy then sort out your failing relationship with your boyfriend as something that is meant to be will always wait.You have cheated on your partner, he's cheated on his partner so when you get bored of a man not being able to get hard you will eventually move on to somebody else.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2015): To be honest he can't even get hard for you, why do you want him. You'd just start to look elsewhere.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2015): Ask yourself this: do you want to date a cheater?
I agree with the others: why don't you end it with your bf, and then if things don't work with this other guy, find somebody (hopefully unencumbered) who lights your fire.
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A
female
reader, Ewinn +, writes (14 December 2015):
Ewinn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't in anyway throw sex at him. He's the one that purses me and kept trying to get me to hang out with while keeping his gf and child a secret!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2015): What goes around comes around. There's bad karma in cheating. If you don't love your boyfriend, dump him. Stop deceiving him.
No, the other guy isn't going to leave his girlfriend; just
because you're throwing sex at him. Being a guy, he feels obligated to go for it; maybe because it's available, and he doesn't mind a stray piece of ass. You're both getting off on the risk-factor. You enjoy the drama, suspense, being secretive, and always just on the verge of getting caught. The rush of sharing your dirty little secret; while your perspective mates don't have a clue!
No, he isn't going to leave her for you. Only because he knows you'd cheat on him, if you'd cheat on your boyfriend.
Hypocritical and a double-standard, you might think. He wouldn't want you doing the same thing to him; and he couldn't get hard, because he's not as into you as you think. He respects his girlfriend more than he respects you.
He doesn't think you're a fair trade-off.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (13 December 2015):
 You don't live with your boyfriend so your finances aren't tied up together so why are you keeping your boyfriend around? What is the point to all this subterfuge?
He's in an unhappy relationship with his girlfriend but he can't leave her because...because...because. We read about this scenario so often it's become a cliché around here.
You're a little old to be playing these games. Sort yourself out first then see what happens.
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