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How can I let her know she has my permission to see other men and that I find it a real turn on?...

Tagged as: Cheating, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 February 2021) 10 Answers - (Newest, 22 February 2021)
A male United States age , anonymous writes:

A stranger asked my wife for a date. When she told me about it I was aroused. How can I let her know she has my permission to see other men and that I find it a real turn on?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2021):

Even if you guys are into that lifestyle you don't want her dating a stranger. Let me assume she she wasn't so innocent in this encounter, maybe it was a guy she was flirting with at bar or supermarket -- check him out on Facebook. Let him know that you know about the date. Her well being comes first.

Now you tell it's OK, call the guy up, go on the date. Your friend form work sees them out, or a neighbor does -- her reputation is shot. This all sounds like something new and not well thought out. Why not save the naughty stuff for vacations. Let her act a little slutty then rescue her.

Got rescued.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2021):

If my husband wanted to see me have sex with another man, I would end the relationship then and there.

In my book, no man can possibly LOVE a woman the way a woman wants him to love her if he is not in the least bit possessive or jealous or has no problem sharing her. I honestly would think he does not truly love me if he wants to use me to satisfy his sexual perversions. And that would actually turn me right off. First, emotionally and then sexually. I would flat out tell him no more sex. I am completely disgusted and have lost all interest in him at that point. The relationship would be over.

I am wondering did you just develop this kind of sexual fetish all of a sudden? Or after being in a monogamous marriage? I suspect you always had these fantasies but kept them to yourself? Waiting for the right moment to bring it up? Hoping she would bite? Are you BORED, OP? Need more? Are you happy with your wife sexually? Have you cheated? Or do you plan to? Looks like it takes a lot to stimulate you. You are now overstepping the boundaries. What does this say about YOU? I would definitely not feel too safe around you if I was your wife. Frankly, I would be anxious and terrified of you cheating on me or being a sex addict.

A man like you is highly sex driven and places much too importance on sex in a relationship. That is clear as day. You also seem highly selfish with regards to what you want sexually, without thinking about the repercussions or how your WIFE would feel. My guess is you have more sexual experience than your wife. And you have probably done all kinds of things in your past she has no idea about. Nobody ends up like you overnight. Then you lured her into a marriage pretending to be a good guy, straight laced even? Keeping all your demons hidden in your closet? Well if that is the case, you are not compatible with your wife. Not morally. Not sexually. And that would be a real DEAL BREAKER FOR HER.

She is not a porno actress and you are not the director telling her what to do. SHE IS YOUR WIFE. You should have way more love and respect for her!!!

For things like this to work, it takes TWO consenting adults. And it is usually best if those two consenting adults are not married or in a committed relationship. I don't know your wife but I suspect she will not be on board with the idea. If you were so sure she would be, you would not have come here asking strangers for permission.

I would keep this a fantasy. Nothing more. If you feel like you have no self control or are a sexual deviant who needs more and more stimulation to be aroused, then let her go. She will never be able to satisfy you. And find yourself any one of millions of women out there who have no problem degrading themselves for a man.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2021):

I would divorce my hubby if he ever suggested that.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2021):

If my husband told me this I puked believe he didn’t love me and was happy to use me for his sexual excitement ( and make the excuse that I wanted it )

Even if I ‘agreed ‘ it would be to test him and maybe to find a new partner , one who lived me truly and couldn’t bare the thought of me being with someone else

Be very careful, you are likely on a fast track to losing this woman if you proceed to use her for your sexual fetish of cuckolding

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (17 February 2021):

Honeypie agony auntPersonally, I would be disgusted if my husband suggested this, even if I had told him about getting hit on. Because that happens EVEN to married women.

What kind of marriage do you want? The kind with no faithfulness, the kind with "kinks" being more important?

You are NOT doing HER any favors by suggesting this, nor your marriage.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (17 February 2021):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntLet me ask you a question: how aroused will you be when your wife decides she has had enough of you pimping her out for your sexual titilation and finds herself a man for whom she is enough without having to prostitute herself for others? Still a turn on?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2021):

Just enjoy the fantasy for what it is...a fantasy. Don't muck around with your marriage, and turn it into some pornographic side-show!

If she didn't promptly inform the guy she's a married-woman, she ain't looking for your permission!

If your wife asks you for permission to sleep with other men; maybe you need to get your legal ducks in a row. She's thinking about a divorce, probably has someone already in-mind, and wants to replace you.

The danger of inviting others into your bed is, he might be a better lover than you. She might find the guy of her dreams; and fall in-love with him, and out of love with YOU!!! Jealousy, drama, and suspicion will only come out of this.

Leave it alone! You had better not open that can of worms, if you know what's good for you! I speculate your marriage is already in trouble. People in stable happy-marriages don't pimp-out their spouses, to watch live-porn!

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A male reader, Justryingtohelp United Kingdom +, writes (17 February 2021):

Don't go there, dude, unless you are bored of your marriage and looking for a way out.

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom + , writes (17 February 2021):

kenny agony auntWhat was your wife's reaction to being asked on a date?.

How far would you want it to go, just a date?, or actually sleeping together?.

Which ever it is, I think this is a fantasy that could potentially be an end to your marriage.

I would not mind betting that when your wife married you she, like most people who get married pledge to devote the rest of their lives to that one person, and only that person.

I think if you tell her this fantasy that she can see other men I fail to see how she would be ok with his, and this in itself will lead to problems. It kind of sounds like, " I'm not that into you anymore, see other guys if you like".

If by a slim chance she agreed to it, she could potentially start having feelings for someone else stronger than she has for you, and end up leaving you, are you prepared to risk this?.

Either way, I think it's a bad idea bringing this fantasy into fruition. Even if you don't carry it out, even by telling your wife this fantasy she could very well want to run for this hills.

Personally, I would not mention this, and keep it as a fantasy in the confines of your own mind.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2021):

There the saying " be careful what you wish for " - thinking about stuff and the reality of someone doing what you thought was arousing - is two different concepts altogether. Once the breach from fantasy to reality is done, there no going back .

Not many couples can survive such an intimate act which could become more complex .

Women most of us need more than sex to be aroused . We need to feel an intimate connection with the other person. Most women want their brain to be aroused as much as anywhere else . Hence why duck buddies dont work . So what happens when your wife who's dating .. decides .. hmm this guy a better catch and she aroused by the newness of the situation .. by the romance . By the new rumpypumpy .. What of you then .. she may grow distance . Unloving.. move out . What then ..

My view isnt based on just sheer opinion it's based on stats of many relationships falling into the same brackets of wanting something new and it begin the beginning of the end .

Do you want to end your relationship?

I would suggest that being aroused is fine by the thought of the action but sometimes here another saying " we dont always say what we think"

If however you decide to say and see what happens then at least you know this may not play out the way your mind thinks it will .. that's the trouble as your bringing other people's minds and emotions into play and there becomes the complexity of it all.. as other peoples behaviours/actions are not controllable .

I hope all goes well whatever your decision may be .

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