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How can I help him see I'm trust worthy?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 October 2009) 5 Answers - (Newest, 24 October 2009)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I have been with this guy for a little over a year our begaining wasn't so good. I have learned to trust him but he still don't trust me. How can I help him see I'm trust worthy?

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (24 October 2009):

It depends on what happened at the beginning. You really need to talk to him about why he feels that way.

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A male reader, softtouchmale2003 United States +, writes (24 October 2009):

softtouchmale2003 agony auntThere really isn't much detail here about why the beginning was so rocky.

Trust is something that has to be built up through a lot of communications and time spent together.

He may have a lot of baggage dragging behind him, so that trust is not easy for him. Some men can break up a relationship into different components, which they sometimes call "compartamentalization". By compartamentalizing things, he may be perfectly capable of living with you, having sex with you, and even listening to you; but not trusting you.

The lack of trust is a sign that he's being defensive. In other words, he wants to love you and maybe fall in love with you (that appears evident from the fact that despite the rocky beginning he's still with you); but he's afraid of getting hurt badly.

One way to build trust of course, in a situation like this, is to start trying to get closer to him emotionally. Try and get him to open up a little bit more, just a tiny bit each time, to get his feelings out there so that you can address his doubts and put them aside.

Its hard enough in life for guys as it is. So when a man puts his heart out there and gives it to a woman, he wants to make sure she's not going to break it. Maybe he's been through the ringer big time. And so he needs to be persuaded that you won't hurt him. That's the tough part.

So as I said, the best and easiest way to handle this is to let him open up a little bit at a time. You may discover that what he's hiding from you is some sort of huge, gashed wound from some previous relationship and doing that might leave him vulnerable.

The other question I have is whether there's something he feels guilty or ashamed of having done. Did he cheat on you in the beginning and now he feels terrible about it? And maybe that's why he won't let you get close and give you some trust? Did you do something that hurt him?

All of that has to be addressed. If there's something you two did to each other, or one of you did to the other, then the two of you have to get it out there in the open and work on healing the wound. Otherwise he's just going to suffer some more and you won't gain his trust till that suffering ends.

Sometimes you just can't do it alone.

Its going to take some time and patience. If he's worth that much to you, and I suspect he is, then he seems lucky enough right there. Maybe he just needs to be nudged a bit more.

Good luck to you.

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A male reader, eddie Canada +, writes (24 October 2009):

eddie agony auntwhat did you do to lose his trust?

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A female reader, Shiny Moon India +, writes (24 October 2009):

He needs to develop trusting you. that is all i can say. he needs to work on it and not u. You love him and you trust him and he should notice that and work out how you both can live happily.

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A female reader, Pixiegirl123 United Kingdom +, writes (24 October 2009):

You can't all you can do is keep on trying to prove yourself but you can't make him trust you. For some it ust takes time for a bond to develop so that he can trust you fully. It may take years but just hang in their if you love him then just focus on that not on trust.

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