A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:How can I help my friend? Lets call her A. All last summer, she was in a relationship with a horrible guy. Lets call him J. J treated her like crap around other people, cheated on her, stared blatantly at other girls, wouldn't even pay for their dates--he mooched off his best friend and his gf. He only had two redeeming qualities, 1. he was VERY attractive and 2. when they were alone he would treat her well (this is what she told me). She had J's best friend (he was a good friend of hers as well) dump him for her when she found out he cheated on her all summer. According to J's best friend (L), J had alot of stuff going on at home (he was loaded but his parents were divorced etc.) and that he had a really rough time since she dumped him, that he had changed. (this was only a few weeks after they broke up) J tried to text her but she got a new phone and she didn't want to talk. Fast forward to this weekend, she runs into him again. They don't talk. J was about to but her dad came out and her dad didn't know about them. He just glanced at her and walked away. She told me that she thinks she still likes him and that maybe he changed. We are out walking and she sees him with the same type of girl he would cheat on her with sitting in his lap, all over him. She's completely heartbroken but also kinda happy that she saw him before she got with him again. She was very sad though, about to cry. Next weekend she's going to talk to him to kind of get some closure. She's worried that he'll get her to be with him again or he'll wan to get back together, which will be a definite no. I've tried to offer her advice or make her feel better but I'm drawing a blank! She's wondering if she should get back together because L said he's changed. How can I help her?Thanks. Sorry it was so long
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks!! She believed that he had changed mostly because L is a really good guy. The only reason she wasnt with L was because he had a girlfriend. Still thanks I told her she deserves better. She made up her mind that even if he had changed she wouldn't get back with him because it wouldn't work--too much in their past, ya know? Thanks to both of you!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2011): You seem like a good friend to this girl. Give her your opinion on it, tell her she deserves to be treated better and there is plenty more guys out there for her that would treat her with respect.
Tell your friend she has to be strong and not give in to this guy because he will continue to treat her the same, as for him "changing" I doubt that because it was such a short space of time so thats not possible logically speaking, whereas if "L" came back about 2 years later and said he change Id probably buy that a bit more.
Your friend will hurt for awhile but she will move on and get over this guy. She is young and teenage girls are not realistic about guys, we have to kiss a few frogs and take a few heart breaks before we look for deeper qualities in a guy.
So even if she does get back with him you will need to take a step back, you will have done all you can as her friend all you can do in that case is just be there and support her for her next heart break.
Good Luck.x
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A
female
reader, sammy1986  +, writes (27 June 2011):
i would try turn your friends attention to someone else once someone cheats on you that trust has gone and it will always be there cheats do not change
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