A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years and things are disturbingly bitter, so much so that I don't know how to get over this whole experience.I had to break it off, I didn't trust him at all and I felt taken for granted. We are currently not in touch at all in any way and haven't been for a few days, before that things were very nasty...name calling, accusations, etcHow do people get through a break up like this? One minute I'm angy, the next I am sad. I hate him yet miss him so much and don't know how to cope.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2013): I really understand what you are going through as I am struggling after a bitter break up. I think the emotions you are feeling are mostly classed around the fear of being on your own and will I ever meet anyone else. The wanting him back is again down to fear of being on your own and habit. I have a huge desire to ring my ex or particularly text but I have to remind myself about all the things that weren't right all the time to stop me from doing these things. As the other posters have said, make a long list of all the things that were wrong with your reationship and if you feel tempted refer to it. No contact is definitely the best way forward although very hard. I find filling the time that I would have spent with him is hard but I have started going on the sunbed, having my nails done, reading more, eating things that I like etc and treating myself to cheer meup and fill time. It will get better but take each day at a time and stay strong.
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (25 January 2013):
 Hi
You will get over it in time. It is good you are in no contact, that's hard but best for you.
Just write a list of reasons you finished it and put it in a drawer, everytime you weaken or doubt yourself, look at it and know you did the right thing.
Your in mourning at the moment, 6 years is a long time. Soon you will feel the advantages, plan things to look forward to, start to come out the other side. Think of all the people you know who have done this already.
Vent at your friends too, thats why we have them.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (25 January 2013):
 What you are experiencing is normal.
Breaking up is never easy, especially with a long term relationship. It is often a realization that dreams and wishes are left unfulfilled. Also, I suspect that you are questioning whether you have done the right thing.
Having been through this, I know it does get easier with time. You are reestablishing patterns in your life. Where once you considered your boyfriend in everything you did, now you only have to consider yourself. I suspect on many levels this frightens you.
Here are some suggestions:
1) Enlist your friends to help you. Find someone you can talk to and express your fears and frustrations with. Reach out to someone -- anyone to talk to. Sometimes just venting will relieve some of the pain you are dealing with.
2) Do something good for yourself. Go on a trip. Get a new look. Read a new book. Find something that will get you passionate about life again. Exercise and start a healthy new habit. Your only obligations these days are to yourself: take advantage of it.
3) Write down / keep a diary about your pain that you are feeling. By seeing your feelings on paper you'll realize new things -- perhaps how inconsequential they are. Also you may realize what you truly want in a relationship.
Again, be kind to yourself. You are going through a mourning process and like all emotional crises they take time to pass. If there was a magical cure for feeling emotionally wounded, someone would be selling it by now.
Realize that this too will pass -- but just give it time.
Eddie
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (24 January 2013):
 You focus on what you know you want long term, and take this as a learning experience. Now, you are aware of what some red flags are for you, and what you will and will not accept, as well as, maybe learn at what point to get out of a relationship sooner.
Consider that now since you are available, you are that much closer to finding a soulmate. Maybe, you even have an idea of areas of your own self that you might want to work on as well, so that you do not get into a situation like this again in another 6 yrs.
Here is a link to my site that has lots of articles and radio interviews on the subject of managing the pain of a break up. I hope you find some peace there.
http://www.franktalks.com/break-ups
-Frank
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