A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for five years. This is thus far the longest relationship I've been. I am 24 and he is 27. We love each other but the sex has taken a weird turn in the last few months. We were that couple that you couldn't get away from the bedroom. We were like this for the first two years, then it slowed down to like once maybe twice a week which I attributed to being relatively normal. Now it's like dead. He doesn't put in effort and neither do I. My libido which used to be very high all the time has turned into something of a person that is even disgusted with the idea of having sex. This is a foreign concept to me, I have never in my life felt that way about sex. I get horny I masturbate and now I would rather do that then have sex. What is going on?! If we do end up having sex which is now maybe once a month, I have to fantasize that I am with a complete stranger just to get off and sometimes that doesn't even work. And it's not from lack of him trying or doing it right believe me I just can't get into it. I feel like I've become one of those girls that's counting the minutes till its over and I can get back to whatever needs to get done.
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (25 January 2013):
 Eddie has given you some very good suggestions to think about.
I would only add that sometimes when a couple has been together for a long time sex sometimes does die down a bit. By that I mean you both (I would hope!) still enjoy it, but the initial sparks and urgency that are often there during the first flush of infatuation, tend to fade somewhat after a time. That might be all it is. So, try some new things and see what happens!
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (25 January 2013):
 Everybody, in the course of a long-term relationship runs into this problem. The first thing is do not panic but look at it as an opportunity to work on problem solving; together.
1) First thing take some time to reflect to yourself. Have you been fighting? Has sex become painful? Are you attracted to someone else? Really take stock of your relationship and see if something has triggered it. Most importantly, are you still attracted to your boyfriend.
2) Talk to your boyfriend. Ask him what is going on. If he isn't pursuing you, perhaps the feeling is mutual.
3) Turn things up a notch. If your sex life has become mundane and routine, trying something new can certainly respark your fires. Perhaps sex in a new room, position, or location. Consider quickies or even going out of town to some place romantic. Even if you aren't in the mood, try to reignite that passion and see what happens.
4) If your boyfriend is a lazy lover, try to encourage him to work on pleasing you. Make sure you that you enjoy an orgasm.
Remember, this happens in just about every relationship. Before panicking, realize that this too will likely pass. However, just be sure that there isn't an underlying problem that you have been ignoring.
Eddie
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