A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend doesnt likes sex and hasnt for past 2 years. On the rare occasions we have sex, once a month if i'm lucky, she does it for me. There is no emotion, feeling or love from her during sex. She says its just the way she is and she would be like this with any man.But it was so different a couple of years ago. We been together 4 years and for first 2 years we couldnt get enough sex. We used any excuse to have sex anywhere we could. Now she saying she did that for me too, but that is rubbish. You can tell when someone wants sex and doesnt. She had more feeling, love and passion then. She initiated it as much as I did back then and was up for most sexual things.The lack of sex started after we split. She deliberately cut herself off emotionally from me because she thought we would never get back together. When we did get back together after 3 months, she couldnt switch the emotions back on. The split was over nothing much, no one else was involved, things just got on top of us and we needed space. Ive been 2 years in a sexless emotionless relationship. I give all I can, she wont even try.I want the girl I fell in love with, or at least someone who can show me love and show some emotion, but she says we never going to be like we were and she has no idea how long she is going to be like this. I ask her why she stays in this relationship; she says she made her bed so now she must lie in it.How can I get the spark back into this relationship or has it gone for good?
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female
reader, mystiquek  + ♥, writes (27 June 2011):
 I have to be honest with you, this doesn't sound very good at all. If you don't mind, I'd like to give you a different perspective on it possibly. My guy and I went through something very similar to the two of you. He had asked me to move across the country to be with him after being in a LDR for 7 years. I happily agreed thinking "this was it, we were always going to be together." After 18 months, he asked me if I could please move out. He was trying to get his green card, work pressure, ect...but he still loved me (so he said). I was devastated. I never seen it coming. I swallowed my pride, and moved back to FL, 2000 miles away. In my mind, and in my heart, it was OVER, it didn't matter that he called me several times a day, said he still loved me, nothing changed. To me, things had changed drastically. I had never hurt so badly in my life. I cried every single day. I couldn't believe what he had done to us. 2 years later, we are still apart, he's still trying to get "situated" and be secure in his career. He is from Japan, and is a surgeon. To him, we are fine. When he sees me, its as if nothing had ever happened. To me, something is gone, something is died, and I spend 1/2 of the time being angry, 1/2 of the time very sad. We'll never be as we once were. My heart was broken, and it will never be the same, I'll never feel the same. I still love him, and its why I don't totally end things, but I can't get back the feelings I once had because I don't trust him, and I don't want to ever hurt the way he hurt me again.
Perhaps she feels the same as me. It sure sounds like it. And if she does, its unlikely that she will ever get all of those feelings back. It might be best to end things. I wish I had the courage to do so in our relationship. I honestly don't know how my guy can think everything is ok.....
I'm sorry I'm not saying perhaps what you want to hear, but I am speaking from the heart. Sometimes you just can't fix something broken.
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