A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, im finding it very hard to get over my ex-boyfriend. We split up about a month ago. I was very much inlove with him so i was devastated when he broke up with me. he didnt really give me any valid reasons so it was very hard to accept it. After a while, i picked myself up and tried to move on. I went out socialising with friends, put all reminders of him away and limited contact with him. Finally I thought i was finally getting over him.... until the other nite when i was out clubing with my friends he text me asking to meet him and i agreed. I suppose deep down i was hoping for a reconsiliation. We had both had a couple of drinks, but i wasnt drunk. Anyway one thing led to another, we ended up kissing and he came back mine where we slept together. In the morning we woke up and i asked him if he regretted it and he said no, i didnt regret it either. I asked him if he wanted to get back together with me and he said he needed to think about it, and that we should talk soon. He left and said he would contact me. Since then he has not been in contact even though i have sent him many texts, he doesnt reply. I feel very hurt and i cant stop crying. I feel that i am back to square one and i am going through pain now more than ever. I feel that he is laughing at me. My friends say he has just used me. Is this the case? I always thought he had more respect for me than that. How can i move forward and get through this? What should i do? Cut off all contact? Any suggestions please?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2008): Hey,girl I'm going through the same thing you're going through and this something that I saw him doing see I'm kind of physic and well I see things ahead of time but,when I saw him doing this I gave my vision the benefit of the doubt I saw him with other girls in a swimming pool and of course flaunting there stuff on all the guys there and my boyfriend starring at them decides to ask one to go with him to a room and one thing leads to another and my guy is drugie,acholic,lieing asshole who thinks just because my girlfriend is not here with me I could fuck who ever I want and when I want little does he know I could she what hes doing and the next day when I confront him about being with another girl hes like how did you know or what who said that and I told him I'm like your bootycall you come everyweekend to supposibly come see me when once we fuck you leave and say you have to go smoke pot with your friends but,yet I'm your girlfriend and not a bootycall I told him fuck you it's over for good I don't ever want to see you again and then he decides to call me back and say wait I hung up on him but,I know he thinks I'm going to call him back begging for his sorry ass but,I'm not I usually do but,not no more 5years was enough for me I'm not nobodys bitch dog for him or anybody else and you should you're confused jackass ex boyfriend that you're to good for him and that you could find someone else who will treat you right and just mess around with heart and emotions and who will care about you for the real you and not anyother bitch just because he left you doesnt mean its the end of the world yeah I know its hard to move on but,its better for you and it's shows him you dont need a sorry ass loser be strong girl I believe in you,you can find someone out there in the world waiting for you,you're still young girl go out there and find you're right guy not Mr.confused bastard you deserve some whos going to love you not hurt you or play with you're emotions!!!!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008): Euw,guess what? I was with a guy for almost a year and not to mention,I love him damn much. But then he started to act like a jerk,well,we fought a lot. First of all,we have a completely different education standard,I'm a straight A student and he's obviously a failure,he fails each of his subject all the time,and he does'nt even care about any of his studies. Unlike me,my family is a very educated family,my dad's a doctor and my mum's a teacher,so education is definately our priority. So we argued a lot about this. He always busy having fun with his friends. So I get so worried about his attitude sometimes that I can't control my emotions. I love him and I'll do just about anything to make him happy and I just can't stand seeing him wasting his life-time just like that. Besides,he smokes a lot too. So double up the pain. Come on,can you imagine your dad seeing his daughter dating a guy like that? Is'nt that a trash? Ergh,so one day. I went to china with my family for a holiday,couple of days after the trip,I called him. And I was so angry because he made me waited for him for the whole night to call me back. So the next morning as I was so pissed-off I asked him to just let me go. I did'nt mean it anyway,I just want to shake him up a lil' but turns out,he agreed and he left me just like that. The next thing I know,he's with his ex-gf once again. And I was so sad and I even begged him to try another shot but he ignored me completely. I cried for days non-stop,I skipped meals,I lock myself up at home for days. I even sold my handphone to avoid myself from hoping for his calls every single minute. Every night,I cried and cried and cried. Funny is,he's jerk,and I know I should'nt be waiting for him,but for some weird reason I just did. And I know I deserve better,but I just love him. So one day,my friend gave me a book about how to get over an ex,I read it. After a month punishing myself,I finally stop doing so and started to move on. I started with,throwing his stuff away and I made a list of why I am better off alone without him. And every morning,that is the first thing I'll reach for. It has been three moths already and yeah I admit I still miss him. But not anymore,now I know actually I don't miss anyone in particular,I just miss having someone who cares about me,that's all. So for you my dear,don't get confuse,ask yourself,do you actually miss him or are you missing the feeling of having a boyfriend? Because actually that is the only reason that cause us to get stuck with our own emotions while we're in the recovering process. Don't waste your time hoping for a jerk,trust me. What goes around comes around. He's gonna regret loosing you,soon. And when that happen,let him dwell with it,you move on. Give him some lesson and some hardtime,you deserve better. Okay? We're in the same situation,so trust me in this. My ex is making a real big mistake anyway,his ex is a moron,she did'nt even love him,I know because that girl cheats on my ex like three times already. And I know,the only reason that girl want my ex back is because he's mine. That girl and I not really a friend actually,she's more like an enemy. We did fought twice before. Sooner or later,they'll split. So,ha-ha. Whatever,because what I know is I want to move on and I want to leave everything behind. Life is too short,so I'm gonna live my life in my own happy way. No matter what happen,I believe in god the most. And you should too. Okay?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2008): we are having the same problem.. but i still see him i dunno what was wrong with me.. and as days go by i realize that im very stupid so i think better cut off all the contacts and connection between you try to move on ignore him he makes you miserable i think he dont deserve a girl like you... and ohh btw karma is just a round the corner what goes around comes around....... guys who are bastards are not worth our time.. move on girl theres a lot of fishes in the sea
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): I love the analogy of the hummingbird. I wish you'd give an update. People always get over stuff and his relationship karma is bad. So take heart, what goes around, comes around.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007): Hi,
I was in a relationship for 8 years and one day it came to an end. It was hard to go and accept it was over and I spent a lot of my thinking time running over the past, remembering the good times with her, wallowing in pain, trying to get her back and emotionally stuck, depressed and miserable.
This emotional pain affected my body also by making me feel sick to my stomach and in a constant daze. There seemed to be no end in sight and even if I had small moments of relief when I managed to sleep, my thoughts would slowly come back to her and then the pain would re-emerge even stronger.
Then one day something random happened that helped me put things into perspective and realize that my feelings were hurt and being stuck in pain was my choice.
I was walking to meet a co-worker for lunch and saw a tiny humming bird slam into the window of a building and fall to my feet still alive. I picked it up and went to meet my friend. She helped me nurse it back to health in about one hour it was flying back again.
What a powerful image I thought. A delicate humming bird slamming against the window of a cold, hard, silent and unmovable building and falling to the ground in pain. Hmm…I was feeling like that after the breakup with my ex.
I saw my feelings were hurting just as that bird that slammed into a building was hurting. Sure the building hurt it but the building does not move, it is cold, and it does not apologize either, because it is a building and it cannot do that. The building represents my ex’s feelings.
So what are my choices?
Keep slamming against the building hoping I could make it care about me, notice me, react to me and make me feel better by giving me the affection that I wanted?
OR
Should I get some help from those who care about me, lick my emotional wounds and move on?
This simple event aided me by helping realize that just like the bird I was hurt but I was still alive. And it was my choice to keep feeling sorry for myself or flying again and not slamming on that same building.
Apply it:
You cannot force a person/building to feel anything for you.
You are still alive and have the ability to heal and fly over (get over) that person/building.
Charlie
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A
female
reader, LauraE +, writes (6 August 2007):
Hi,
Hi,
You poor girl, what a horrible way to be treated. Bluntly - yes, he has used you. Yes he is a selfish, heartless, waste of space. Look at it this way – this time it will be much easier to get over him because you know what a louse he is. Keep reminding yourself of this over the next few days and weeks - it really helps. If you do send one more text, don’t rant because this would show him that you are devastated. Better still, don’t text him again. If you see him, just smile or wave and move on. If you end up in conversation, look bored and move away as soon as you can. Before long, you won’t be having to fake the relief at walking away from him.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (6 August 2007):
 What a cruel thing to do to a person!! He breaks up with you without giving any reason, then comes back with his tail between his legs, sleeps with you gives you false hopes about any reconciliation and to top it all ignores your texts. This pathetic excuse of a human being has used you im afraid my love. You got over him once you can get over him again, next time you text him tell him you never wanna see his sorry ass again. If he does text you back, give him his own taste of medicine IGNORE HIM. Move on and find a decent guy. Good luck my dear.
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A
female
reader, Polly Russell-Furse +, writes (6 August 2007):
 It's extremely difficult to just cut off your feelings for someone and when that someone then uses your feelings for his own gain is unforgiveable!Yes, cutting off all ties with this guy is the best thing as he does not seem to have any care for anybody else but himself and you are better than that.Cry as much as you like as he has done a horrible thing, surround yourself with good friends that will support you through this. When you have done crying, get up, dust yourself down and start enjoying yourself again. Good luck.
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