A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:9 yrs after divorce and I have been remarried for most of it. However,I still battle with being in love with my ex. I left him and he was devistated but I was young and went through something pyschologically where I just didn't like to be around couples, including my own of course.(wierd huh?) I tried counseling and it made it worse, so I just got out. The worst mistake I ever made. I love my husband and we have seperated several times but I think I am with him because I can't be by myself. Upon seperating my ex and I had communicated much more even sometimes on a romantic level but he was reserved in what he would say, scared to open up. I would get worried and go back to my husband. Eventually he told me none of his relationships worked because they weren't me and he was still in love with me. Yet that was then, almost 4 yrs ago. I am very social and I can't imagine starting over alone. However, that doesn't change the fact that I still have these feelings for my ex. He is remarried and has a child with her but I think they simply got married because she was pregnant. They are still together after almost 4 years but it just doesn't seem to be there. Friends have told me things and I dwell on it and then wonder more. How do I get over it once and for all?, or better yet will I ever get over it? I have tried to tell him how I feel probably a year ago and he won't talk to me and then after I tell him, he will go through a mean streak????????????????????????(he's not usually mean at all!)
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female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (29 May 2008):
 Probably because he is happy with his wife now? He was probably devestated all those years ago, but has got over you now. My ex, was devestated and i also saught counselling, then left him. we split about 8 yrs ago, he was on his own, apart from a few failed things up until about 4 yrs ago too, and is now happy with someone. I'm still on my own! But like you, back then i felt the grass was greener and wanted to experience other people.
You're probably just remembering the good times, but nothing is perfect. I do it about my kids dad, my mum reminds me he wasn't perfect.
These days i always say i would like to meet someone like him, but not him. I was just too young to apreciate it back then.
The worrying bit is you not being able to be on your own.
Thats a shame! Its fun! Having the freedom. The downside is you can get tooooo used to it! lol
Thats a low self asteem thing though you have there.
You will always make bad judgements on a partner if you are scared to be alone. And thats sad because all the time you're with the wrong one, you miss out on the right one.
C xxxxx
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