A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:How do you make yourself appear more approachable?I hear all the time that sometimes people don't get dates because they seem unapproachable. But what necessarily gives off that impression?I've heard the whole spiel about smiling and making eye contact, but what if you're not necessarily the most confident person and eye contact makes you a tiny bit uncomfortable? I don't know why but I feel like people can read my thoughts when I make eye contact for too long, like it's written on my face and that's where the discomfort stems from.Plus I'm not necessarily one for flirting. I mean, they say confidence comes from loving yourself and liking who you are, but I'm not quite there yet. But the things I dislike about myself are not necessarily physical (although sometimes it's part of it) but more of the mental side, for example I get mad at myself for worrying so much, and being so nervous about things, or being afraid of embarrassment or rejection. I wish I had the confidence to just not care what people think about me but it's very difficult to push those thoughts out of my mind. It literally terrifies me to leave my comfort zone. While I am asking this for terms of actually entering the dating field, it's also to gain experience simply in being able to comfortably converse with someone new, but the only time that ever happened was when I was at a job and so I was kind of forced to be around the same people making it easier to talk to them.Basically I've never dated, never been approached, flirted with, or asked out. And I want to change that.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 January 2015):
 You say you are too scared to leave your comfort zone. Well then what do you want us to say? If you dont want to leave your comfort zone then stay where you are. If you're unhappy where you are then you HAVE to LEAVE your comfort zone. Really, make the decision, and follow through.
You could try to ease your way into things. Take small steps in leaving your comfort zone, and remember to NOT return to your comfort zone once you've started leaving it. Make progress, try to push yourself each day in the direction you want to go.
You want to be more comfortable making eye contact? Then practice on your friends and family, before you try to do it on strangers.
You want to smile more? Then try smiling a lot at home, just to yourself, to get comfortable doing it. Then smile at neighbors, friends and family etc.
Want to be more comfortable striking up a conversation with a stranger? Try small talking with the old lady at the bus stop, or the cashier about the weather. Or talking to the guy who walks the dog every morning by your house. I talk to people all the time like this, which makes it a lot easier to talk to a guy you want romantics with. All contact starts out the same, friendly and romantic contact too. They all start with eye contact, a smile, and a few words.
Usually all it takes is a "Hi, how are you", with an added smile, in order to come across as approachable.
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