A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need space from my boyfriend, but we live together. We've been together over 4 years and moved in together almost a year ago. For the first time in a while, I worked some overtime over the past weekend and have had to work a little later than usual. This has caused me to be more drained than normal when I get home. Our dishwasher broke (it's foxed now) so dishes piled up a bit for that reason and because we both get home from work and are tired. My boyfriend was in a bad mood last night and threw a fit over the dishes. He apologized this morning, then when I got home today we had a loud argument about it. All of this stress and exhaustion (not to mention I had a terrible time sleeping last night) has me suddenly feeling very disengaged. I'm annoyed with his attitude, I'm so tired that I find it hard to think straight, and all of that together is just making me angry. Right now I feel like I don't care anymore. I feel disengaged. I feel like I'd rather be alone than have to bother putting anymore effort into another person right now. But I also feel like that's just all the negativity really getting to me and maybe I just need some space. How do I get space since we live together? Right now I've resorted to the silent treatment and going right to bed in the other room of our home. Help me PLEASE!!!
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female
reader, CattyCat  +, writes (24 January 2015):
 At least you can acknowledge that's it's external forces causing the friction in the relationship right now.
Maybe it's not the fact you need space from your partner, more that you need some "you" time. For the next week, every night, plan the next day and make sure each plan has a big slot allocated to time just for you. Whether it's a relaxing bath, reading a book, anything to wind down. Because right now the stress levels are so high, it's affecting everything in your life. If you don't take control, you could end up losing things you love out of anger. As my grandmother use to say "never say anything out of anger" and "never go to bed angry"
A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (24 January 2015):
 Could you temporarily move out to a family member or friend's house for a week or two?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2015): I live with my boyfriend and we both work really hard, one of the best times to wind down is to have some 'you' time and then you can feel a bit better.
I would do something in a totally different room to him, like watch television or read a book, and if he keeps bothering you just tell him you want a bit of time to wind down on your own.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2015): Show your love and affection. The two of you should each call in to work to be off that day and have a nice lunch date together. Meet each other half way. After the lunch date, go home and talk. Discuss the current situation only. Don't use words you always and you never when talking about the current problem. Say I hope us going through this brings us closer bc I do love u. Say in order for us to withstand problems we're going to have to go through some things. And lately has been overwhelming for me and I haven't been able to deal with it well. My job has drained me, the home duties have overwhelmed me when the dishwasher went out n we got into an argument. But even as all this have taken place I still have expectations about our future together n where I strive for to be. Whats happening between us is normal and as long as we don't brush each other off or shut down we will be okay. Ask em how he feels and what u guys can do to put zing back in the relationship. Even though you guys are busy, make time for dates at home or out. Leave little gifts or cards around where he may find it. And always tell him u love him while showing it. Although work is important it is better not to ruin your relationship over it. Always take you some you time and always make time for him, romance each other in word and deed. Have fun together....watch a competitive sport together or play a card game against other couples basically work as a team having fun. Then you can work as a team. best wishes...
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A
female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (24 January 2015):
Hey, this stuff happens. You both are working and you both are tired and stressed. It's just all of that. It's a phase that will pass. Go away for the weekend or something. I know this is going to sound difficult, but you really need to try to understand that its just the stress getting at both of you. He feels the same way you do. Just take a break. Do realise that when you live together, these things happen. It's different to meet someone, even if you stay together al day everyday and coming home after that, and actually living together. It does get more stressful. Try taking a break and just try to focus and keeping yourself calm. Take a day off and go out with friends or something. You need to get out. Do something other than work n coming home. A little distraction can help quite a lot. Work it out you 2... it's something you will have to learn to deal with if you plan to stay together. Try talking to him and asking him to be less irritable, and avoid taking frustration out on you. In return, you need to do the same.
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