A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,well I guess I have the same problem as many of you. I have been dating my bf for about 2 years now - almost 2 years to the day actually. We were in a wonderful state at the beginning of our relationship, and then after about a year, it went downhill. We moved in together last January and we've had our ups and downs. One of the biggest problems has been that I need to have more trust in him. I have a lot of insecurity and I'm trying to improve that by seeing a psychologist and he's also tried to be more open with me. So yesterday he told me that he wants to have a break. Not a break up, but a break to see how he will feel without me. I told him that I can't live knowing that he won't be in my life. It's like he's breaking my heart into pieces. I've been through a break before, and that time he came back and said it's over. I can't live through that again. He also said that we can have a break, but he can still live here sort of like friends and not have any expectations. I don't know if I could live with seeing him daily and not be able to show any affection. Anyway I guess I'm just looking for someone's advice here. I love him a lot and I know that he does too because I see the way he looks at me sometimes. Please let me know what you advise.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell so far he's still sticking around so that's a good sign. :-) We're taking it day by day. He's going back to his hometown for a few days this weekend so we'll have some time apart so that might be a good thing for our relationship. Wish me luck and thanks for your positive thoughts :-)
A
female
reader, ILoveCupid  +, writes (8 November 2010):
 To be honest I would probably freak out if my boyfriend says he wants a break. I would think he means a break up!
The thing is, it's always easier to be unemotional and objective and not lose your senses when you are the outsider.
So, if you feel anxious insecure or whatever, remember that it's amplified because you are involved. Keep your cool and things might turn out nothing like you worry about :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi,
Thanks for your response. I feel like I'm getting very good but different feedback from people. In some ways, people feel that once people want a break, then it means very bad news and it means pretty much the end to the relationship. And other people feel that a break is a good thing and it's healthy for the relationship. For now, he is staying with me. I know that we'll have another "down" time where he will feel he needs some time to think and maybe I should give him that time I'm not sure. I guess right now, as you probably are already aware, I'm pretty insecure and anxious about the whole thing and I'm afraid to lose him. And I'm especially afraid knowing how hard it would be working with him and not being able to be with him. We will be having some time apart in the next few weeks so I'm sure that will give each of us some time to figure out what we want.
Thanks for the great advice everyone. And please keep it coming :-)
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male
reader, Real Love 32 +, writes (6 November 2010):
 Hi,I just want to say that its kind of good that you guys take the break. his is a good opportunity for you. Do something new for yourself. Also be careful that you don't become co-dependent. That is the worst thing that you can do to yourself. Once you are its hard to live without someone. Do whats best for you!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think in a way a break could be good because it will give the chance for the person to open their eyes and realize that they in fact can't live with the other person. I could say that as a person looking from the outside but being the one in the middle of it, it's too hard to let go.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, thanks for your response. We've never taken a break and never breaken up before. This would be the first time, which makes it even more scary for me. In a way, I'm trying to prevent myself from being hurt and having a back up plan and moving onto another city if I need to. The reason I say this is because we work together. I could never continue working with him if we broke up. After last night, he says that he wants to talk again and figure out what is the best for both of us and tell each other both of our expectations. But from his side of things, he feels a break would be best.
Don't know what to do :-(
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female
reader, ILoveCupid +, writes (6 November 2010):
While I understand that men sometimes need to retreat to their own space, there's a difference between a temporary break and a break up.
I can't tell which one you are in, but you probably know better.
If he's asking for some space, give it to him and don't get too worried about it.
If you had broken up in the past and got back together, it's probably not going to work again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010): In my experience, as well as yours, breaks are never good. Its a very nice and fake way of saying its over. I feel the same here for you for whatever reasons. You didnt give much detail about your conflicts :/...I do respect ur privacy however.
Im glad youre seeing a psychologist and care for your mental health and this is basically important for your own personal well being. Perhaps sit down and analyze the positives and negatives of being with this guy, weigh them out, and make a firm decision. Good luck.
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