A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my fiance for 6 years and engaged for 2 and a half of them. We have never had sex. She says she wants to wait until marriage and I agreed to that. So I proposed with the intention of getting married soon after.Now its 2-1/2 years later and she hasn't even started making plans and I'm feeling like I'm not good enough. I work 2 jobs to support both of us. She has a job but she doesn't pay any bills. She does cook and clean but so do I. My self esteem is basically shot. I go to the gym everyday. I went from 145lbs to 180lbs trying to be more attractive for her but all I get is attention from other women. I won't cheat because I love her and I want to do the right thing but now I'm just out done. I just don't think that I'm good enough. What is a man to do in my position? Do I leave? I try to force the issue but she still won't budge. What now???
View related questions:
engaged, fiance, self esteem Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (5 October 2007):
 Dude, she is enjoying a free ride, and you are giving her permission to use you.
YOU are the one to lead this relationship. She is NOT your mother. Stop waiting for her to set the date, or start to make plans.
Set the date, and start the plans, and make it soon. Otherwise, move on NOW.
I have to ask. Was she a sex abuse victim and looking to avoid sex? Is it possible that she is asexaul as an orientation and thus does not feel the rush to marry? Could she have a relationship with someone else and just using you? Something about this situation is not right.
-Frank B Kermit
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am 28 and she is 26 and yes we live together.
...............................
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (5 October 2007):
I do not understand part of your post. Are you living together or not yet?
After six years what the heck are you two waiting for? I think she does not want to marry you, but does not want to hurt you. How old are you guys anyways? If you are in your mid to late twenties, I think this is a BAD sign.
You are sacrificing your self respect for "love in the relationship". It does NOT work long term.
Let her know that it is time to set a date and start making plans. Then tell her the date you expect to be married by and make it soon. If she hesitates at all, walk away. She does not want you enough, and you are good enough just the way you are.
-Frank B Kermit
...............................
A
female
reader, Enzian  +, writes (5 October 2007):
 She is playing games with you and you have the right to know where you are. I very much agree with flower girl. So sit her down and tell her how you feel. But don't put the screws on her. She has to do the right decision for her freely, because if she will only marry you because YOU want, you won't have a happy marriage (as you can imagine). But it will also get you down if it will carry on like that. Hope you will find a way!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm not marrying her only for sex. OMG!!! I could have sex with anyone and I wouldn't have to wait six plus years for it. I want to marry her because I love her dearly.
...............................
A
female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (5 October 2007):
 Relationships can't be one sided so you really do need to sit her down and tell her exactly how you are feeling, you need to know where you stand, because if it carries on like this for much longer you are just going to end up resenting her and if you can't sit down and discuss this with her freely are you sure you should really be together.
Take care.xx.
...............................
A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (5 October 2007):
She is using you. Also she may have a low sex drive which would disappoint many men. You need to do some deciding.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2007): How have you tried to force the issue? What makes you feel that you aren't good enough? Have you asked her why she isn't making wedding plans? Why don't you just start making plans? If you only proposed to her so that you two could have sex, maybe you're really not compatible?
...............................
|
