A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend just under a year.His ex is like a thorn in my side - she won't go away!Every time she crops up, it causes conflict in our relationship. We'll forget about her, then the next thing youknow she's textigm or calling, or emailing.A month ago we had a huge arguement because I found out he had been texting her - it was totally innocent, he asked me to go through his calls to see if he had been overcharged for international calls, so I do believe he was inncoent or else he wouldn't have asked me to go through the calls on his bill. But I was upset to find her number on there about 20 times, I know it isn't a large amount but I had beenunder the impression that they weren't in contact.He explained that she had text him and he had simply text back on some occasions. I do know he doesn't keep her number stored on his phone, but I do know that he has kept a text message form her in a saved message box on his mobile which he doesn't know that I know about. It does make me wonder why he kept it because it wasn't even anything remarkable in the text. I can't ask him though because I was really wrong to go through his phone, I have never done anything like that before (and as you can tell my boyfriend is very open about things, we don't keep phonebills or email passwords a secret etc).Ok, so we had the arguement about it, I felt alot better and alot more secure about it, and then bam, she's sent him another email. I don;t get why she can't just go away and leave us to get on with our lives, and her to get on with hers (she has been with her boyfriend for about 6 months, funnily enough she is with the guy she cheated on my boyfriend with). I should probably mention he broke up with his ex girlfriend. I don't want to create a big fuss about the email, presently my boyfriend hasn't seen the email, I saw it when I logged into his account to get our internet account online log in details. I haven't read it and I don't want to because it just makes me feel irritable and down that she won't leave him alone. I guess I don't really need advice, just needed to get this off my chest, although it would be nice to hear what people's opinions are on the whole matter.
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broke up, cheated on my boyfriend, ex girlfriend, his ex, text Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008): My bf has an ex. they have two kids together and believe me when I say: she still wants him back after 1 year and 7 months that we hav been together! she sees that we are happy, the kids luv me and has accepted that daddy has a new person in his live but she doesn't. she manipulates him at every corner, still calling him "lovey" in front of me and suggesting all kinds of things while i'm present. it gets to me that he has to go over there and such, but i try to ignore my jealous feelings. tonight he has to take the older one to moddelling class, and she is going with him. i feel like an outsider because it is something i would like to do with him. he doesn't always understand why i get jealous, he says he loves me and the kids, not her. oh, did i mention that she lives one street away!!! i often feel that it would be better to let him go, but i do luv him and the kids so much and they are already a big part of my life. i just hope that she gets the picture and leave him alone..... anyway, i get how you feel. its not a nice spot to be in.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2008): Okay, I'm totally feeling your pain here as am going through exactly the same thing... my boyf's ex is a pain in the arse to say the least! Both ex's are extremely sad and lonely girls who are vieing for the attention they had from the guys previously. My boyf's ex actually finished with him and now I believe is trying to regain the attention she had as she's living in another country and not near friends etc. DO NOT let this girl ruin your relationship. It's sooooo very hard i know as i'm going through it too but remember he's with you NOT her. I wish you all the best, it's so painful being in this situation!! x
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A
female
reader, brooke5426 +, writes (17 December 2007):
 are you sure hes ignoring her? because after all this time, i dont think she would still contact him if she wasnt getting some sort of hope he still interested in her (im not saying its warranted, it could be something as simple as she misses him and even if he texts her saying piss off its giving her some kind of attention from him).
if he completely ignores her, she'll get bored and give up. she wont contact someone when she knows for definite she wont get a reply - there would be no point. but if hes contacting her she might be convincing herself of something.
be careful how you approach it though. you dont want to give her room to play the "your girlfriend is so jealous she wont let you speak to anyone - IM not like that!!" card.
brooke
x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007): Beware. This girl could be absolutely insane. I told my boyfriend to tell his ex to piss off (she contacted several years after their break-up) and she called the police on him for something she turned out to be doing.
Tell him to ignore her. IGNORE. Don't put yourself in that same position.
Some ex-girlfriends are just insane.
You might want to lodge a boot up in her right now but you have no idea how many times you'll want to do it after she does something like that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust thought I would update those who replied...She is still hassling him, after all this time! He has taken to ignoring it though and slowly the time between contact is increasing. I do have to wonder why she embarasses herself like that!!
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A
female
reader, rockelle  +, writes (4 October 2007):
 Although, the Ex is initiating the contact I think that your boyfriend is enjoying the fact that she is probably regretting the mistake that she made. The fact that she ruined her relationship, with him and obviously she is not completely over him. If he was as bothered by her texts, and emails then he would have put a stop to it. I think you need to sit him down and explain to him, that his contact with her bothers you and HE needs to tell her to leave him alone. If he is not willing to do that then he is enjoying the texts, and emails as much as she is.
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A
female
reader, Fade878  +, writes (4 October 2007):
 So does he want to be a friend to her and did he give their relationship termination enough time to distance her emotional link to him?
It doesn't sound like it.
And if he sees how unhappy her presence is making you-he needs to decide if he puts you and your happiness first or if he honestly thinks he can have both of you in his life.
Men can be a little thick at times and your BF sounds like he doesn't have the skills on how to distance someone he has found out is not a reliable partner.
He can put some distance between her and him for 6 months. In this time, he changes his emails addresses and phone number or at least blocks her.
He needs to delete any emails he gets. He needs to cut her out for that 6 months completely.
In this time, he can work on building your emotional bond and trust in him.
When a woman and man enters our lives as our intimate partner- we make that promise to put them and their needs, happiness first. In a healthy adult relationship this works as both are working together, for one another.
Take care.
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A
male
reader, rcn + ♥, writes (4 October 2007):
 If her number isn't stored on his phone, he keeps one text to keep in contact so if he wants to contact her, he just has to reply to the text. Now I'd like to say, It is OK for him to keep in contact with an ex, if it was OK with you. He's not in a relationship with her now, so if you feel disrespected by his contact, he needs to end the contact.
She cheated on him, he still keeps contact, he broke up with her because she cheated and had disrespected their relationship by those actions, and now she's disrespecting yours by these contacts. She thinks only of herself, and not of the feelings of others. She needs to move on with her boyfriend and let him have his relationship without interference.
On the other hand, you can't dictate what he does or does not do. We trust people with our hearts in hoping they wont hurt us, but we owe them that trust, then if they cause use pain we have the choice to stay in the relationship or move on and end it. I'm not saying you don't have a right to be angry. But it is up to him to change and let his ex know to end contact if he respects your feelings. It may be completely innocent, but it's not if it has a negative affect on your relationship.
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A
female
reader, brooke5426 +, writes (4 October 2007):
I'm with you. I would find it hard too. Why hasnt she moved on? She's with someone else, and he is too. She ruined the relationship now she needs to deal with what she did and p off.
your boyfriend is also responsible for you feeling like this though. i think you could tell him you know she emailed you because you said he's open about his email passwords and you werent snooping, you were in his emails looking for log in details. and you didnt open the email she sent. which was very decent and mature of you.
but he needs to respect how you feel and i think if i were you i would explain to him how hard you find it to get on with being a couple while shes around and ask him to cut all contact with her. if she texts him he should ignore it. same with emails. he is with you now and he doesnt have any reason to contact her.
i think she is just jealous and trying to cause problems for you and him. So dont let her. She cheated, he left, now he's with you. I understand shes a pain but remember that it was his decision to end that relationship so i dont think shes much of a threat to you. but you should definitely explain to him how down it makes you and expect him to do whatever he can to make you feel better - he's your man now and your feelings should take priority over staying in touch with someone from his past.
brooke
xx
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