A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Right now my partners ex girlfriend is causing a massive family row that for whatever reason she is blaming completely on me, and I don't know how to respond or what to do and I hope someone can offer some advice.So next summer we are planning a family holiday with our twins aged 3 and my partners son, aged 6. Until a few weeks ago, everything was totally ok. We could take him for two weeks as long as it was during the school holidays and his mum could check out the hotel and area before we booked it.She agreed on one of the places I had picked, and we told the kids and everyone was excited. It's costing us a lot of money but we have saved up for over a year for this holiday. When we booked it, everything was perfectly fine.But now she has changed her mind as she has decided that she wants to go away with her boyfriend three days before we are due back, meaning that she wouldn't be able to take her son as he would be with us in Greece.She knew the details of our holiday as she helped me pick it and she is know saying that he can't come.It's pathetic in my eyes and my partner is mad about the whole thing because his son has never been away with his twin siblings and he was so looking forward to it.She says if we change our holiday he can still go but it would mean us paying around £300 extra just to change it for a few extra days. Like I said, we saved for a long time and it seems unfair to the children if we go without their brother but it's unfair to us to have to pay a lot of money to change the holiday plans just to suit her when she was aware of everything. My partner and his ex have a verbal agreement in regards to custody and this is the first time there has ever been a problem. He normally come away with us for a weekend, but never a proper holiday because we couldn't afford it.She is refusing to back down and neither is my partner. She reckons that I told her different dates, which I know I didn't because we fly back on my partners birthday, which I wouldn't get wrong! I'm siding towards paying the extra so my step son can come but my partner is adamant that we will not and he will talk her round as she made the decision to book her holiday at the exact same time.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2014): Your bf needs to have formal custody arrangements in place because she could turn nasty. Don't let the little one suffer because she's a massive pain in the ass. She needs reminding that it's her son who comes first and not pathetic arguments, she's treating this like a competition - you book a holiday and she books a holiday...if I were being petty I would insist she cannot book it until the hotel and area are checked out but the little boy deserves much better thaI'd tell your bf to back down on this fight, put the dates of the holiday in writing and pay for the change. If she tried to cock it up further she has no excuse of not knowing the days. He should then be seeking some legal advice about arranging official arrangements that perhaps also stipulates his entitlement to take his son away or whatever suits you guys and his son. Gosh that woman sounds like a nightmare. Keep you head held high and try and shake off any of her blaming or negativity.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 November 2014):
 But she is going away with her new boyfriend, right? So you can say that you will watch the step-son for the extra days while she is away, then you can both have your vacations.
And yes, do keep things in writing. It makes it easier to hold track of things, and you know she might just have heard you wrong or remembered the wrong dates. She might really be a ditzy person.
But also know that even if they had a written agreement on custody, it's not down to specific dates. My mom and dad went to court over custody, and it was all a written agreement, but it's not like anyone cares if the agreement is being held precisely (like who, the police?), nor is the agreement specific to exact dates of each year. It's more like "every other weekend, every other Christmas, half of summer vacation", and the exact dates you still have to figure out for yourself.
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A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (26 November 2014):
Why doesnt she pay the extra £300 since she wants to change the dates? It seems pretty fair that way, to me...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (26 November 2014):
 I would have to ask your BF if it's worth the fighting or of this is a battle not worth it. The fact that she is blaming you, seems so off base to me, but I guess since you planned the vacation, YOU should have the blame.
I think the only FAIR thing would be to sit down and sort this out together. But maybe that isn't possible, I would NOT let the kid suffer from this, so personally I'd cough up the extra 300 so he can go to. But I would be QUITE adamant that if this happens again, SHE can be the one changing HER plans. (though it should come from the BF, not you) And next time.. HAVE it all in writing with dates and stuff (as in e-mail/text form) so she can claim "ignorance".
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