A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidMy bf broke with me cause i called him more than twice today. I had some money problem, i called him for his help, he got angry that im calling more than im supposed to and broke up with me in phone.I know i have to move on, i couldnt. I still cannot believe he broke up with me cause i asked him for help on crisis.Please help me my bf threatens to break up with me every time i fight with him or ask him to spend more time with me. I know he has the upper hand in the relationship, since i cave in every time he uses the break up stint.Before calling his bluff, how do i show him im not the weaker one in this relationship. Please help{Moderator note: two questions from the same OP combined}
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 April 2013):
 There's more than one thing at play here.
Why are you calling your boyfriend up asking for money over and over again? That's inappropriate in any relationship. Partners are not ATM's, and asking or begging or guilting for money is a surefire way of destroying a relationship.
Also, it sounds like the entire thing isn't healthy. Stay broken up and stand on your own feet. It sounds more like he's a sugar daddy who likes to use you on a whim, and you get yours met through him, and it isn't healthy.
Never ever use a boyfriend to get you out of a money crisis. That sort of thing obliterates respect, and it's clear your boyfriend doesn't respect you and mistreats you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2013): Break up with him completely and stick to your guns. OP consistent emotional blackmail and using breaking up as a tool to manipulate you is called emotional abuse.
Anyone who uses anything as a means to consistently control their partner in a negative way is an abuser. Whether it's a slap in the face or the threat of a break up that he uses to shut you up, that's abuse. And it will wear you down the same way as getting beaten all the time. He wants you to be on eggshells, gives you shit for calling him twice and breaks up with you? I've spoken with my fiancée 5 times on the phone today and sent numerous messages.
Get rid of him, get rid of 'breaking up' as a tool against you by throwing it right back in his face and full on leaving him.
If he loves you he'll get message and work his ass off to get you back, if he doesn't then he didn't care and you're better off without him.
OP you can't live like this, always on eggshells, always worried that he could end it for minor things. He's using all that as a weapon to control you. Take the power back.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2013): "Before calling his bluff, how do i show him im not the weaker one in this relationship. Please help"Don't fight with him, don't ask him for help in a crisis, don't ask him to spend more time with you and don't call him more than twice a day.In other words, you're asking the impossible. The only way to show him you are not the weaker one is to call his bluff by breaking up with him because he is a controlling bully who only takes up with chicks whom he can treat like dirt. Of course, you will likely never do that and so the games you two are playing will continue unabated.Men can't disrespect women who don't respect themselves.
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A
female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (26 April 2013):
 Hi, I don't know how long you've been together but it's not really relevant. You need to break up with this guy, who is manipulating you and playing on your weaknesses, because I'm afraid you ARE the weaker one in this relationship. He gets to call all the shots and breaks up with you as soon as you put a foot "wrong". He doesn't respect you, and by the sounds of it doesn't care about you either. I used to go out with an abusive guy who treated me terribly, but even with him, the few times I did ask him for help, he was there within minutes. Your boyfriend's reaction when you need help is to dump you? Wow. Breaking up with him and cutting him out of your life is the only way you can show him that you are stronger than he thinks you are. Want and demand better for yourself. He doesn't make you happy. Don't you want to be with someone who makes you happy, is there for you, wants the best for you, and doesn't make you live in fear of being dumped every time you ask to spend time with him?Dump him. Cut all contact. Before you get together with anyone else, you need to work on yourself. Don't be needy or clingy. If you are together with a person who loves you, you shouldn't need to ask them to spend more time with you.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (26 April 2013):
 I think you should take this as an opportunity to step back. Someone that is threatening you with breaking up for the smallest things is either unable to use healthy means of conflict resolution or doesn't care enough to figure out how to deal with you. He avoids and would rather not deal with problems by pretending they don't exist, which means you will never get anything you want. And "rather not" means he's putting his own interests above the relationship/your needs as a partner. What I'm saying is "weaker in the relationship" is going back to him.
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