A
female
age
51-59,
*alf baked
writes:We've been friends for a year and start a really good relationship. My boyfriend confides me about his ex wife whom they shared almost 16 yrs. Its been 6 yrs since they got divorced, the ex wife left him without any reasons and anytime he wants him back he always go back to her and always leave him for another guy. When we start dating he told me that his ex wife sent him an email stating that he dont him to send him email or text because his current beau dont like it and she wants to work this new love that she found. Then me and my friend ( now bf) became exclusive and having a very good relationship. One day this football season the ex texted my bf and asking some help. My bf never told me about it and they even met. Eventually he told me about this, he said that he will always try to help her in anyway and always be there for her bec. they are friends. They kept communicating in a daily basis. I asked for a space and he seems that he wast telling me that im so insecure about it. The ex wife is still his beneficiary on his insurance policy until now. I talked to him a couple of time that I dont feel good about him and her being friends, and I knew he still have feelings for him because their picture still displays at his house. I asked for a space bec. I cant take it no more and we both agreed we need to think things over. He told me that he will never go back to his ex wife but he wants her to be friends and will always try to keep their friendship. He is a very nice guy and never done anything wrong this is the only issue that we have. Am I gonna let him go or what. Please help!
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female
reader, Half baked +, writes (30 August 2010):
Half baked is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhanks for the advice. I sent my bf text messages and I told him if he want to work ours, we need to help each other and I even asked him if he wanted to or not. He said I need time. I know its hard for him, but it is also hard for me, and when I told him that I dont want to see him until he made a decision, he was so upset and cant believed that I cant even see or meet him. In which I explained that its better not to see each other coz it will make things difficult for us to decide. I always wish him the happiness that he wants. I just cant believe how come he is so mad at me now, since Im just asking for the truth and asking him to let me go if he really wants his ex. All of his friends and co workers told him that he's crazy if he will go back to his ex after what she has done to him for all these yrs, my ex knew and told me before that his ex wife treated him as a seasonal friend. I gave him an ultimatum eventhou it hurts so bad. They dont have kids and thats why it makes me think why do they need to text and chat in a regular basis(everyday),and everytime I asked him, he said they just friends and nothing more. He said what else he needs to prove that he chose me over her. I dont know if I'm so unfair, but everytime I think about what he told before when we are still friends that he will do anything for her if she comes back that makes me really worried. I dont know how long should i wait for him to decide. And whats the best thing to do, should I just leave him without waiting for his answer? Please help!
A
female
reader, Half baked +, writes (30 August 2010):
Half baked is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhanks for the advice. I sent my bf text messages and I told him if he want to work ours, we need to help each other and I even asked him if he wanted to or not. He said I need time. I know its hard for him, but it is also hard for me, and when I told him that I dont want to see him until he made a decision, he was so upset and cant believed that I cant even see or meet him. In which I explained that its better not to see each other coz it will make things difficult for us to decide. I always wish him the happiness that he wants. I just cant believe how come he is so mad at me now, since Im just asking for the truth and asking him to let me go if he really wants his ex. All of his friends and co workers told him that he's crazy if he will go back to his ex after what she has done to him for all these yrs, my ex knew and told me before that his ex wife treated him as a seasonal friend. I gave him an ultimatum eventhou it hurts so bad. They dont have kids and thats why it makes me think why do they need to text and chat in a regular basis(everyday),and everytime I asked him, he said they just friends and nothing more. He said what else he needs to prove that he chose me over her. I dont know if I'm so unfair, but everytime I think about what he told before when we are still friends that he will do anything for her if she comes back that makes me really worried. I dont know how long should i wait for him to decide. And whats the best thing to do, should I just leave him without waiting for his answer? Please help!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): Thanks for the advice. I sent my bf text messages and I told him if he want to work ours, we need to help each other and I even asked him if he wanted to or not. He said I need time. I know its hard for him, but it is also hard for me, and when I told him that I dont want to see him until he made a decision, he was so upset and cant believed that I cant even see or meet him. In which I explained that its better not to see each other coz it will make things difficult for us to decide. I always wish him the happiness that he wants. I just cant believe how come he is so mad at me now, since Im just asking for the truth and asking him to let me go if he really wants his ex. All of his friends and co workers told him that he's crazy if he will go back to his ex after what she has done to him for all these yrs, my ex knew and told me before that his ex wife treated him as a seasonal friend. I gave him an ultimatum eventhou it hurts so bad. They dont have kids and thats why it makes me think why do they need to text and chat in a regular basis(everyday),and everytime I asked him, he said they just friends and nothing more. He said what else he needs to prove that he chose me over her. I dont know if I'm so unfair, but everytime I think about what he told before when we are still friends that he will do anything for her if she comes back that makes me really worried. I dont know how long should i wait for him to decide. And whats the best thing to do, should I just leave him without waiting for his answer? Please help!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): Thanks for the advice. I sent my bf text messages and I told him if he want to work ours, we need to help each other and I even asked him if he wanted to or not. He said I need time. I know its hard for him, but it is also hard for me, and when I told him that I dont want to see him until he made a decision, he was so upset and cant believed that I cant even see or meet him. In which I explained that its better not to see each other coz it will make things difficult for us to decide. I always wish him the happiness that he wants. I just cant believe how come he is so mad at me now, since Im just asking for the truth and asking him to let me go of he really wants his ex. All of his friends and co workers told him that he's crazy if he will go back to his ex after what she has done to him 6 yrs ago, my ex knew and told me before that his ex wife is treated him as a seasonal friend. I gave him an ultimatum eventhou it hurts so bad. They dont have kids and thats why it makes me think why do they need to text and chat in a regular basis. (everyday) I dont know how long sgould i wait for him to decide.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (29 August 2010):
 It seems he is still very much attached to his wife and loves her in some way. There is nothing wrong with staying friends with the ex but he has to understand that the bond with the ex is going to annoy and hurt you or any other woman he dates. You cannot tell him to stop communicating with the ex, you can only tell him that your not happy with the situation and if it continues as he wishes, then you have no choice but to leave. If he loves you he will stop, if he cares more for his ex then he won't stop.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): hi! I know this is probably a complicated situation, but unless there are children involved u need to sit down wit ur partner n tell them that the relationship they r having with their ex is hurting u n by the sounds of it u need to give him the ultimatium, u choose the ex or me cause i'm not a runners up prize! U deserve someone who's going to be completely honest with u n choose u first every time! If there are children involved then u need to still talk to him n tell him how u feel, come to a compremise n go with it from there! He can b there for the kids without hurting u!
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